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Chapter 13: Spoof Outside


TL: Resonance

  恶搞相性100问

100 Spoofing Questions

  1 请问您的名字?

1: What is your name?

  洛予辰:洛予辰。

Luo Yuchen: Luo Yuchen.

  方写忆:方写忆。

Fang Xieyi: Fang Xieyi.

  洛予辰:等等!为什么会是他?我家肖恒呢?

Luo Yuchen: Wait! Why is it him? Where is my Xiao Heng?

  方写忆(轻蔑地):哼。

Fang Xieyi (scornfully): Hmph.

  主持人橙子:洛予辰同学,请看标题。恶搞相性100问,不是夫妻相性100问。

The host orange[1]: Fellow Luo Yuchen, please look at the title. It’s ‘100 Spoofing Questions’, not ‘100 Husband and Wife Questions’.

  洛予辰:那也不至于发我和这只八竿子打不着的狐狸吧!

Luo Yuchen: You could have chose someone else rather than this unrelated fox!

  方写忆:八竿子打不着吗?奇怪了,我明明记得你是我弟夫……原来不是啊,那我明天去帮肖恒重新物色一个。

Fang Xieyi: Unrelated? That’s weird. I clearly remember that you are my brother-in-law… So you weren’t me brother-in-law? I will find Xiao Heng a new one tomorrow.

  洛予辰:你……!

Luo Yuchen: You…!

  橙子:哎呀,第一题进行的好长,我们快点转移到下一题吧……

Orange: My god. Why is the first question taking so long. Let’s us proceed to the next question…

  洛予辰:你给我闭嘴!

Luo Yuchen: You shut up!

  2 年龄?

2: Age?

  洛予辰:二十八。

Luo Yuchen: 28.

  方写忆:二十九。

Fang Xieyi: 29.

  洛予辰:是么?我一直以为你已经三十好几了。

Luo Yuchen: Really? I always thought you were 30+.

  方写忆:……(你会为此付出代价的。)

Fang Xieyi: … (You will pay your price for this.)

  橙子:怎么气温有点低……

Orange: Why has the temperature dropped… 

  3 性别?

3: Gender?

  洛予辰和方写忆出奇默契地冷哼。

Surprisingly, both Luo Yuchen and Fang Xieyi snorted together in tacit understanding.

  4 你觉得你的性格是什么样子?

4: What personality do you think you have?

  方写忆:善良博爱。

Fang Xieyi: Kind-hearted.

  洛予辰(沉吟):应该不是很好。

Luo Yuchen (pondering): Probably not very good.

  方写忆:原来你知道啊……

Fang Xieyi: So you actually knew…

  洛予辰:我没有你脸皮那么厚!

Luo Yuchen: I’m not as shameless as you!

  5 对方的性格呢?

5: What about the other person’s personality?

  洛予辰:阴沉阴森阴险阴毒。

Luo Yuchen: Gloomy, surly, cunning and sinister

  方写忆:花心负心缺心眼死心眼。

Fang Xieyi: Fickle, ungrateful, stupid and stubborn.

  橙子:两方都很热烈很工整……汗……

Orange: Both of them are very enthusiastic and orderly… Cold sweat… 

  6 二人相遇是什么时候?在哪里?

6: When did you two first met? Where was it?

  洛予辰:二十一岁的时候,饭店。

Luo Yuchen: When I was 21. At a restaurant.

  方写忆:二十二岁的时候,和我可爱的弟弟吃法国菜的时候突然冒出来蹭饭的不速之客。

Fang Xieyi: When I was 22. I was having french cuisine with my cute younger brother when an uninvited guest pop up to have a free meal.

  洛予辰:我是肖恒请去的好不好,而且明明是我先到的!

Luo Yuchen: I was invited by Xiao Heng alright? And I clearly arrived first!

  7 对对方的第一印象是?

7: What’s your first impression of the other person?

  洛予辰:说是肖恒的哥哥怎么跟肖恒长得不是很像啊,从哪里冒出来的就敢对肖恒动手动脚,该不会是冒充的吧。

Luo Yuchen: He said he is Xiao Heng’s brother, but why didn’t they look alike? He popped out randomly from nowhere and dared to take liberties of Xiao Heng. Don’t tell me he’s a fake?

  方写忆:我弟怎么有这样的朋友,不就长得好一点么,态度死跩的。

Fang Xieyi: Why does my brother have a friend like this? So what if he was a little good looking? He’s so obstinate.

  肖恒:是这样么?你们当时两个明明都笑得很开心谈得很融洽啊,我还以为……

Xiao Heng: Was it like that? I remembered the two of you smiling happily and conversing harmoniously. I had thought… 

  洛予辰:肖恒你什么时候来的?你怎么坐在那个变态主持旁边?快过来。

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng, when did you arrive? Why are you sitting beside the weird host? Come here quickly.

  肖恒:我受聘当此次100问的仲裁,你们继续答题吧。

Xiao Heng: I was hired to be the arbitrator of this 100 questions session. You guys can continue answering.

  洛予辰(转头低声):狐狸,你喂肖恒吃什么奇怪的东西了……

Luo Yuchen (turns around and asked softly): Fox, what weird things have you fed Xiao Heng… 

  8 喜欢对方哪点?

8: What do you like about the other person?

  洛予辰:哈!

Luo Yuchen: Ha!

  方写忆:被虐了之后的表情。

Fang Xieyi: His expression after being abused.

  洛予辰:你!

Luo Yuchen: You!

  9 讨厌对方哪点?

9: What do hate about the other person?

  洛予辰:动不动就来找肖恒。

Luo Yuchen: Always coming to find Xiao Heng.

  方写忆:天天缠着我弟。

Fang Xieyi: Pestering my brother everyday.

  10 你和对方的性格合得来吗?

10: Does you and the other’s personality mesh well?

  洛予辰和方写忆:当然合不来啊。

Luo Yuchen and Fang Xieyi: Of course not.

  11 怎么称呼对方的?

11: How do you address the other person?

  洛予辰:实在不行就方总,一般就是方写忆。可能的话我希望我人生中可以不用再出现这个名字。

Luo Yuchen: It’s usually Fang Xieyi. If there’s no choice, I will address him as director Fang. If possible, I wish that this name never appear again in my life.

  方写忆:在肖恒面前我叫他洛予辰,在别人面前我叫他陈世美。

Fang Xieyi: In front of Xiao Heng, I call him Luo Yuchen. In front of others, I call him Chen Shimei.

  洛予辰:……(冷静、冷酷、冷静)

Luo Yuchen: … (Calm, cold, calm)

  12 希望对方怎么叫你?

12: What do you wish for the other to call you by?

  洛予辰:可以的话希望他再也不要有机会叫我。

Luo Yuchen: If possible, I wish that he will never have the chance to call me again.

  方写忆:哎~我发现了耶,这个洛予辰虽然一贯脾气恶劣,今天回答问题却真的有问必答哎。是综艺节目上多了的后遗症吧?

Fang Xieyi: Ay~ I just realised that even though this Luo Yuchen always has a bad temper, he is answering every question in today’s Q&A session. Is it a sequelae from attending too much variety shows?

  肖恒:快点下一题吧。

Xiao Heng: Let’s quickly proceed to the next question.

  13 如果把对方比做动物的话是什么?

13: If the other is an animal, what would he be?

  洛予辰:除了狐狸还有更合适的么?经常都能看到他的尾巴不小心露在外面。

Luo Yuchen: What else is a better fit than fox? We often see his exposed fox tail.

  方写忆:猪吧。

Fang Xieyi: Pig, I guess.

  洛予辰:……什么?

Luo Yuchen: …What?

  方写忆:你不是么,天天吃了睡睡了吃?

Fang Xieyi: Are you not? All you do is eat and sleep.

  肖恒:其实……洛予辰最近有干家务的……

Xiao Heng: Actually… Luo Yuchen has been doing the housework recently… 

  14 如果送对方礼物会送什么?

14: If you were to give the other a gift, what would it be?

  洛予辰:炸弹,手榴弹,鱼雷?

Luo Yuchen: Bomb, grenade, torpedo?

  方写忆:小白菊就好,手段不必激烈,心意到了就可以。呵呵呵。

Fang Xieyi: Just a small white chrysanthemum[2] is enough. I don’t have to go through such intense means. It’s the thought that counts. Hahaha.

  肖恒:你们两个……

Xiao Heng: The two of you… 

  15 那么希望得到什么礼物呢?

15: Then, what gift do you wish to receive?

  方写忆:其实我觉得他一直在觊觎我的跑车。

Fang Xieyi: Actually, I feel that he has been longing for my sports car.

  洛予辰:其实我觉得他一直在觊觎我家肖恒。

Luo Yuchen: Actually, I feel that he has been longing for my Xiao Heng.

  16 有对对方不满的地方吗?有的话是什么?

16: Is there anything you are dissatisfied with the other? If yes, what is it?

  洛予辰和方写忆摩拳擦掌:终于到这一题了……

Luo Yuchen and Fang Xieyi rolled out their sleeves: This question has finally came… 

  肖恒:主持人,这一题会太长,我们跳过吧。

Xiao Heng: Host, this question will take too long. Let’s skip it.

  洛予辰:肖恒,你不要护着那只狐狸!

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng, don’t try to protect that fox!

  17 你有什么缺点?

17: Do you have any weakness?

  方写忆:我么?读者们都认为我很完美,我相信大家。

Fang Xieyi: Me? All the readers feel that I’m perfect. I believe in everyone.

  洛予辰:肖恒,我们回家吧。

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng, let’s go home.

  18 对方有什么缺点?

18: What’s the other’s weakness?

  肖恒:主持人,请直接跳过。

Xiao Heng: Host, please skip this question.

  19 讨厌对方做什么?

19: What’s something you hate the other person doing?

  洛予辰:讨厌他每天一有空就跑来我家,讨厌他在公司也老是缠着肖恒,讨厌他没事就挑拨离间,讨厌他总是趁机吃我家肖恒的豆腐,讨厌他抽烟装酷,讨厌他点菜的时候帮肖恒点,讨厌他喊我弟媳妇,讨厌他明明是狐狸还装成人……

Luo Yuchen: I hate him always coming to my house whenever he is free. I hate him always bothering Xiao Heng whenever he is at the company. I hate him sowing discord for no reason. I hate him always taking liberties of my Xiao Heng. I hate him smoking to act cool. I hate him ordering a dish for Xiao Heng. I hate him calling me ‘my brother’s wife’. I hate him acting like a human when he is clearly a fox… 

  橙子:哎呀,积怨很深哪……

Orange: Oh my, that’s some deep hatred… 

  肖恒:主持人,请不要总是设定相近的问题,弄得防不胜防啊。

Xiao Heng: Host, please stop asking similar questions. It’s difficult to guard against them.

  20 你做了什么对方会生气?

20: What is it that you do that will make the other angry?

  方写忆:我们一家人和乐融融的时候他就会生气。

Fang Xieyi: He will be angry when our family is being happy and harmonious together.

  洛予辰:你们一家人和乐融融的意思就是你和肖恒和乐融融!!!

Luo Yuchen: Your family being happy and harmonious means you and Xiao Heng being happy and harmonious!!!

  橙子(悄悄):我发现了,洛予辰回答问题的时候真的很乖……

Orange (quietly): I realised that Luo Yuchen is indeed really diligent when answering the questions… 

  肖恒:确实是谈话节目上麻木了。

Xiao Heng: He’s indeed numb from all the talk shows.

  21 二人的关系到什么程度了?

21: What’s the extent of the two of your relationship?

  方写忆:肢体冲突!

Fang Xieyi: Clashing of bodies!

  洛予辰:干嘛用那种惹人误会的词汇!是打架,打架!

Luo Yuchen: Why use such a misleading description! It’s fighting. Fighting!

  肖恒:你们俩背着我打过?什么时候?

Xiao Heng: Have the two of you fought behind my back? When?

  22 二人初次约会是在哪里?

22: Where was the two of your first date?

  洛予辰&方写忆:之前不说了么,第一次见面的时候,饭店。

Luo Yuchen and Fang Xieyi: Didn’t we answer this earlier? The first time we met was at a restaurant.

  23 那个时候是什么气氛?

23: What was the ambience like back then?

  肖恒:我明明记得气氛很和谐。

Xiao Heng: I clearly remember that it was a harmonious ambience.

  洛予辰:表里不一。

Luo Yuchen: What’s shown on the surface is different from what we were feeling within.

  方写忆:波流暗涌。

Fang Xieyi: The current is calm on the surface but surging beneath.

  24 那时进展到了哪里?

24: Back then, what was the progress of your date?

  洛予辰:握手。

Luo Yuchen: Handshake.

  方写忆:握手。然后洗手。

Fang Xieyi: Handshake. Then washing hands.

  洛予辰:……

Luo Yuchen: … 

  肖恒:洛予辰,冷静,冷静。

Xiao Heng: Luo Yuchen, calm down, calm down.

  25 经常去的约会地点是?

25: Which dating spots do you guys often go to?

  方写忆:KTV,酒吧,饭店,游乐场,家,其实每次都是肖恒定的。

Fang Xieyi: KTV, bar, restaurant, amusement park and home. Actually, it’s always Xiao Heng who decides on the location.

  肖恒:我会特意去看一些城市游玩手册。

Xiao Heng: I will look through more handbooks to find out more activities to do in the city.

  26 对方的生日要怎么庆祝?

26: How would you celebrate the other’s birthday?

  肖恒:洛予辰的生日每年我都会细心策划,通常……

Xiao Heng: I will carefully plan for Luo Yuchen’s birthday every year. Usually… 

  方写忆:洛予辰,你帮肖恒过过几次生日?

Fang Xieyi: Luo Yuchen, how many times have you celebrated Xiao Heng’s birthday?

  洛予辰:我……你别又挑拨离间!

Luo Yuchen: I… Stop trying to sow discord!

  27 告白的是哪方?

27: Who’s the one who confessed?

  洛予辰:肖恒。(笑逐颜开)

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng. (Beautiful smile)

  方写忆:我那不争气的弟弟对男人的品味有待提高。

Fang Xieyi: My disappointing younger brother needs to improve his taste in man.

  28 喜欢对方到什么程度呢?

28: To what extent do you like the other?

  方写忆:我很不喜欢洛予辰。

Fang Xieyi: I dislike Luo Yuchen very much.

  洛予辰:好像我喜欢你一样!

Luo Yuchen: As if I like you!

  29 那么,是爱吗?

29: Then, is it love?

  两人两看两相厌地对视一眼。

The two of them looked at each other in mutual dislike.

  30 对方说了就没办法了的话是?

30: What is something the other say that you can’t go against?

  洛予辰:“肖恒,跟我开会去”。也不知道天天哪来那么多会开!

Luo Yuchen: “Xiao Heng, go to the meeting with me.” Just where does all the numerous number of meetings come from!

  方写忆:肖恒,答完题目之后我们开会去~

Fang Xieyi: Xiao Heng, let’s go to a meeting after answering the questions.

  肖恒:……

Xiao Heng: … 

  31 有怀疑对方见异思迁吗,会怎么做?

31: Have you ever suspect the other of being fickle? What will you do?

  方写忆:有啊,经常怀疑啊。当然,他对不起我弟弟的话,我会用文火慢慢把他生煮了,让他烂在锅里,渣渣都不剩下……哼哼哼哼……

Fang Xieyi: Yes, I’m constantly suspecting him. Of course, if I find out that he has done my brother wrong, I will cook him slowly with gentle heat and let him sodden in the pot till no scum is left behind… Hehehehe… 

  洛予辰:我没有见异思迁!

Luo Yuchen: I’m not fickle!

  32 能容许见异思迁吗?

32: Can you tolerate fickleness?

  方写忆:想死一次看看吗……

Fang Xieyi: Want to try dying this once[3]… 

  橙子:……(惊!方总也看地狱少女?)

Orange: … (Gasp! Fang Xieyi watches Hell Girl too?)

  33 如果约会时对方迟到一个小时会怎么办?

33: What will you do if you went on a date but the other is late for one hour?

  洛予辰:劝肖恒不用再等了跟我回家吧。

Luo Yuchen: Persuade Xiao Heng not to wait anymore and go home with me.

  方写忆:跟肖恒说人生得意须尽欢,一寸光阴一寸金,甩了这个找更年轻漂亮的吧。

Fang Xieyi: Tell Xiao Heng that one should know how to enjoy life. Time is very precious, let’s dump this one and find a younger and prettier one.

  橙子:后者较狠……

Orange: The latter is more ruthless… 

  34 最喜欢对方身体的哪里?

34: Which part of the other’s body do you like the most?

  方写忆:洛予辰的身体说实话我都喜欢的。

Fang Xieyi: To be honest, I like the whole of Luo Yuchen’s body.

  洛予辰:!!

Luo Yuchen: !!

  方写忆:话说洛予辰的身体等于钞票,乃是公司一大利润来源……

Fang Xieyi: Luo Yuchen’s body is like a banknote, he is a great source of income for the company.

  肖恒:……此话不假。

Xiao Heng: … That’s true.

  洛予辰:肖恒,你不要和他同流合污!

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng, don’t go along with him!

  35 对方什么样子最性感?

35: What does the other do that is the most sexy?

  洛予辰:请不要在方狐狸身上套用“性感”这个词,我不能接受。

Luo Yuchen: Please don’t associate the word ‘sexy’ with fox Fang. I can’t accept it.

  方写忆:每次看到他那些装模作样的海报,说实话我都恶寒……

Fang Xieyi: Everytime I see him pretending to be sexy in those posters, I feel chilled…

  36 二人什么时候会觉得紧张?

36: When do you feel anxious?

  洛予辰:……

Luo Yuchen: … 

  橙子:你好像欲言又止的样子。

Orange: You look like you have something to say.

  方写忆:呵,不就是我打电话给他说“今天晚上肖恒住我这”的时候么……

Fang Xieyi: Ha, isn’t it when I call him saying “Xiao Heng is staying with me tonight”… 

  洛予辰:……(咬牙)

Luo Yuchen: … (Clenching his teeth)

  37 有对对方说谎吗?擅长说谎吗?

37: Have you ever lied to the other? Are you good at it?

  方写忆:擅长,花心大萝卜这方面都很擅长。

Fang Xieyi. Mr Fickle Man over here is very good at it.

  洛予辰:我很诚实的,满口没有一句真话的一向是你好不好!

Luo Yuchen: I’m very honest. You’re the one who’s always lying!

  38 什么时候觉得最幸福?

38: When do you feel the happiest?

  洛予辰:和肖恒在一起的时候。

Luo Yuchen: When I’m with Xiao Heng.

  肖恒:……(微笑)

Xiao Heng: … (Smile)

  方写忆:我弟不和他在一起的时候。

Fang Xieyi: When my brother is not with him.

  39 有吵过架吗?

39: Have you guys argued before?

  方写忆:吵过。

Fang Xieyi: Yes.

  40 是怎么样的吵架呢?

40: What kind of argument was it?

  方写忆:最严重的一次是他打我弟。

Fang Xieyi: The most serious one was when he hit my brother.

  洛予辰:……

Luo Yuchen: … 

  肖恒:方写忆……

Xiao Heng: Fang Xieyi… 

  方写忆:我只是回答问题。

Fang Xieyi: I’m just answering the question.

  洛予辰:你就挑拨离间吧,反正我现在肯定不会那样对肖恒了。

Luo Yuchen: You can continue sowing discord. In any case, I will definitely not do that to Xiao Heng again.

  肖恒:洛予辰现在也已经不会因为鸡毛蒜皮再和我吵架了。

Xiao Heng: Luo Yuchen no longer argue with me over trivial things.

  洛予辰:说到这个,现在偶尔吵架的原因貌似还都是因为这只狐狸……

Luo Yuchen: Now that you mention it, the reason for our occasional argument these days seem to all be because of this fox…

  41 怎么样和好呢?

41: How do you reconcile?

  洛予辰:……

Luo Yuchen: … 

  肖恒:……

Xiao Heng: … 

  洛予辰:好啦,现在都是我主动低头的!

Luo Yuchen: Fine fine. Nowadays, I will take the initiative to lower my head!

  方写忆:哦,学乖了……

Fang Xieyi: Oh, you have finally learnt… 

  42 即使来生也想成为恋人吗?

41: Will you become lovers even in the next life?

  方写忆:不要!

Fang Xieyi: No!

  洛予辰:谁要和你!我巴不得你来生不要再来妨碍我和肖恒好不好?

Luo Yuchen: Who wants to be with you! I can’t wait for you to not bother Xiao Heng and I in the next life!

  43 觉得「我是被爱着的」是什么时候?

43: When is it that you feel ‘I’m being loved’?

  方写忆:肖恒很难得会叫我“哥哥”的时候。

Fang Xieyi: The rare moments when Xiao Heng calls me “brother”.

  洛予辰:肖恒,以后不准再喊他“哥哥”!

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng, don’t ever call him “brother” again in the future!

  44 觉得「难道不爱我吗……」是什么时候?

44: When is it that you feel ‘Don’t you love me?’?

  方写忆:啊,肖恒对我的感情我从来不会怀疑啊。

Fang Xieyi: Ah. I’ve never doubt Xiao Heng’s feelings for me before.

  洛予辰:你不要再在这里搬弄是非混淆视听!

Luo Yuchen: Stop trying to be so misleading!

  45 你表现爱的方法是?

45: How do you express your love?

  洛予辰:做饭给肖恒吃。

Luo Yuchen: Cooking for Xiao Heng.

  方写忆:我说弟媳妇,你做的饭绝对是表现恨的方法……

Fang Xieyi: My brother’s wife, your cooking is definitely the way you express your hate… 

  洛予辰:我还在学习!而且我一直都在进步,是不是啊肖恒?

Luo Yuchen: I’m still learning! And I have been constantly improving. Isn’t that right, Xiao Heng?

  肖恒:……(移开眼神)

Xiao Heng: … (Looking away)

  46 什么花适合对方?

46: What flower suits the other?

  方写忆:小白菊呀……供在牌位前面……

Fang Xieyi: A white chrysanthemum… The one you offer before the memorial tablet… 

  洛予辰:你……

Luo Yuchen: You… 

  47 二人之间有隐瞒的事吗?

47: Is there a secret between the two of you?

  方写忆:要我抖给肖恒听么?

Fang Xieyi: Should I share it with Xiao Heng?

  肖恒:是什么?

Xiao Heng: What is it?

  洛予辰:肖恒,你不要那么容易就被他骗!

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng, don’t be tricked by him so easily!

  48 你有什么情结吗?

48: Do you have any complex?

  洛予辰:他恋弟!

Luo Yuchen: He longs for his brother!

  方写忆:他恋我弟!

Fang Xieyi: He longs for my brother!

  洛予辰:我恋你弟有错吗!

Luo Yuchen: What’s wrong with me longing for your brother!

  49 二人的关系是周围的人都知道的还是机密?

49: Does the people around know the two of your relationship or is it a secret?

  洛予辰和方写忆:非常公开的。

Luo Yuchen and Fang Xieyi: It’s very open.

  肖恒(叹):大家都知道他们不和。

Xiao Heng (sigh): Everyone knows that they are on bad terms.

  50 认为二人的爱会持续永远吗?

50: Do you think the two of your love will be everlasting?

  方写忆:我会找到很多优质的好男人给小恒挑,努力让小恒早日跳出火坑。

Fang Xieyi: I will find many excellent men for Xiao Heng to pick in hope to let Xiao Heng jump out of the pit earlier.

  洛予辰:哼,我绝对不会让你活着看到那一天!

Luo Yuchen: Hmph, you will never see that day!

  51 你是攻还是受?

51: Are you a top or bottom?

  方写忆:……(自负地笑)

Fang Xieyi: … (Smiling conceitedly)

  洛予辰:是么?我一直以为你是女王受,聪明而腹黑不是很典型么?

Luo Yuchen: Oh really? I’ve always thought you were a domineering bottom. Isn’t it typical to be smart and black-bellied?

  橙子:我作为亲妈很不偏心地告诉你一句,洛予辰你啊充其量只是普通攻而已,方写忆是总攻级别的。也就是说,强受想反攻你的几率有35%以上,想反攻方写忆的几率是0%。

Orange: As your mother, I will tell you without any bias. Luo Yuchen, you’re at best a normal top. Fang Xieyi is a full-fledged top-only top. Which means, the chance of a strong bottom topping you instead is above 35% but 0% for Fang Xieyi.

  洛予辰:……(没道理啊没道理)

Luo Yuchen: … (This doesn’t make sense)

  52 怎么决定的呢?

52: How is it decided?

  方写忆:当然是按智商决定的。

Fang Xieyi: Of course it is decided based on IQ.

  橙子:我儿子聪明啊……

Orange: My son is smart… 

  洛予辰:你这样还敢说你很不偏心!

Luo Yuchen: Are you sure you’re not biased!

  53 对这个状况满意吗?

53: Are you happy with this status?

  洛予辰:不管狐狸,反正我这里是我压肖恒,满意啊。

Luo Yuchen: Let’s ignore the fox. Anyway, it’s me topping Xiao Heng for my case and I’m satisfied with it.

  方写忆:(魅惑一笑)写反攻。

Fang Xieyi: (Charming smile) Write about the bottom topping back the top.

  橙子:好……

Orange: Okay… 

  洛予辰:当作者怎么可以没立场!

Luo Yuchen: Why do you not have your own stand as an author!

  54 初次是在哪里?

54: When’s your first time?

  方写忆:搬进新家一周之后的一天夜里。

Fang Xieyi: A night one week after moving into a new house.

  洛予辰:你,你,你怎么知道……

Luo Yuchen: You, you, how did you know… 

  55 那时候的感想是…?

55: How did it feel…?

  方写忆:我不想说,怕伤害某人的自尊心。

Fang Xieyi: I don’t want to say. I’m afraid I will hurt someone’s pride.

  洛予辰:你……你……

Luo Yuchen: You… You… 

  56 那时候,对方是什么样子?

56: How did the other look like at that time?

  方写忆:应该就和那些穿得比较少的海报里一样吧。

Fang Xieyi: Probably similar to those wearing very little in the posters.

  洛予辰:肖恒,不答了,我们回家吧。

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng, let’s not answer anymore. Let’s go home.

  57 初夜过后的早上说的第一句话是什么?

57: What was the first sentence said after the first night?

  方写忆:有人很凶恶地问,“你满意了么?”

Fang Xieyi: Someone asked very fiercely, “Are you satisfied yet?”

  肖恒:……

Xiao Heng: … 

  洛予辰:你不要再挖陈年旧账!

Luo Yuchen: Stop bringing up old scores!

  58 一周几次?

58: How many times a week?

  方写忆:每天一次以上。

Fang Xieyi: More than once a day.

  洛予辰:你为什么连这个都知道。

Luo Yuchen: Why do you know about this too?

  方写忆:你那种只会靠下半身思考的动物很好猜。

Fang Xieyi: It’s not difficult to guess for people like you who only think with their lower half.

  肖恒:洛予辰,我们回去吧。

Xiao Heng: Luo Yuchen, let’s go home.

  59 理想的话一周几次?

59: What’s your ideal number of times a week?

  洛予辰:多多益善。

Luo Yuchen: The more the better.

  方写忆:少少益善。

Fang Xieyi: The lesser the better.

  60 理想的H是什么样子的?

60: What’s your ideal sex?

  洛予辰:每天都很理想啊。

Luo Yuchen: It has always been ideal.

  方写忆:他在自己爽的时候能顾及到我弟弟。

Fang Xieyi: He will care for my brother while he is feeling good.

  洛予辰:我每天都先伺候好肖恒的好不好!

Luo Yuchen: I always pleased Xiao Heng first alright!

  61 自己最有感觉的地方是?

61: Where’s your most sensitive location?

  洛予辰:我不太想在这只狐狸面前说……

Luo Yuchen: I don’t wish to say it in front of this fox… 

  方写忆:我根本不想知道。

Fang Xieyi: I don’t want to know at all.

  62 对方最有感觉的地方是?

62: Where’s the other’s most sensitive location?

  两人一起看向肖恒。

Both of them looked at Xiao Heng.

  肖恒:看我干什么!

Xiao Heng: Why are you guys looking at me for!

  63 用一句话来形容H时的对方?

63: Use one sentence to describe the other during sex.

  洛予辰:不要让我想那么恶心的东西。

Luo Yuchen: Don’t let me think of something so disgusting.

  方写忆(打手机):喂,你帮我和导演联系一下,看下次洛予辰主演的那个大片H戏的时候能不能再放宽点……嗯,无尺度都可以……

Fang Xieyi (on his phone): Hey, help me get in touch with the director. Let me know if the H show that Luo Yuchen will be acting in can be more open… Hm, there’s no limit to it… 

  洛予辰:你想干什么!

Luo Yuchen: What are you trying to do!

  方写忆:这样之后我肯定能用一句话形容H中的你。

Fang Xieyi: In this way, I will definitely be able to use one sentence to describe you during sex.

  64 坦白说对H是喜欢?还是讨厌?

64: Be honest, do you like or dislike having sex?

  洛予辰:肖恒和我都很爱的。

Luo Yuchen: Both Xiao Heng and I love it.

  肖恒:……(脸红)

Xiao Heng: … (Blushing)

  65 一般情况下H的场所?

65: Where do you usually have sex?

  方写忆:家里,还有公共场合的角落吧。

Fang Xieyi: At home, and perhaps at one corner of public space.

  肖恒:别乱说,从来没有过公共场合啊!

Xiao Heng: Stop saying nonsense. We have never done it in public space!

  洛予辰:我说肖恒,既然如此,以后要不要尝试一下?

Luo Yuchen: Hey Xiao Heng, if that’s the case, should we try it next time?

  66 想要尝试的H的状况是?(时间、地点、服装……)

66: What would like the settings of your sex to be like? (Time, location, attire… )

  洛予辰:我们回去之后慢慢研究?

Luo Yuchen: Let’s have an in depth discussion when we get home?

  肖恒:……

Xiao Heng: … 

  67 冲澡是在H之前还是之后呢?

67: Do you bath before or after sex?

  洛予辰:之前。

Luo Yuchen: Before.

  方写忆:哼。

Fang Xieyi: Hmph.

  68 H时两人有什么约定吗?

68: Do the two of you have any sort of agreements when you have sex?

  洛予辰:“约定”的定义是?

Luo Yuchen: What do you mean by “agreements”?

  69 有和对方以外的人H过吗?

69: Have you had sex with someone else other than him?

  洛予辰:……

Luo Yuchen: … 

  方写忆:切。

Fang Xieyi: Cut it.

  70 对「如果得不到心的话即使只有身体也好」这句话是赞成还是反对?

70: Do you agree with the sentence “Even if I can’t get his heart, at least I get his body”?

  方写忆:我弟应该曾经是赞成的。

Fang Xieyi: I think my brother used to agree to that sentence.

  肖恒:我现在反对,强烈反对。

Xiao Heng: Now, I disagree to that. Strongly disagree.

  洛予辰:肖恒……你后悔那十年了么……

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng… Did you regret the 10 years… 

  肖恒:……

Xiao Heng: … 

  洛予辰:肖恒……

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng… 

  肖恒:好了好了,跟你开玩笑呢。

Xiao Heng: Alright alright. I was just kidding.

  71 如果对方被暴徒强奸了怎么办?

71: What will you do if the other is raped by a ruffian?

  方写忆:好啊,活该啊。

Fang Xieyi: That’s great. He deserves it.

  洛予辰:方、写、忆……

Luo Yuchen: Fang, Xie, Yi… 

  72 你会在H之前觉得害羞还是在那之后?

72: Do you feel shy before or after sex?

  洛予辰:总是会很害羞。

Luo Yuchen: I’m always shy.

  方写忆:而你总是会很无耻。

Fang Xieyi: And you’re always very shameless.

  73 「只有今晚、因为太寂寞了……」。好友这么说着来要求H的话,怎么办?

73: “Just tonight, I feel so lonely…” If your good friend say that to you and ask for sex, what will you do?

  方写忆:我觉得要是“某人”那样说的话洛予辰很难坚守立场……

Fang Xieyi: I feel that if “someone” say that to Luo Yuchen, it’s hard for him to stand firm.

  洛予辰:我不会的!

Luo Yuchen: I won’t do it!

  74 觉得自己H的技术好吗?

74: Do you think that you are good at sex??

  方写忆:他特别烂,总是弄伤肖恒。

Fang Xieyi: He’s very bad at it. He always injures Xiao Heng.

  洛予辰:啊?(拉着肖恒上下检查一番)

Luo Yuchen: What? (Pull Xiao Heng over for a check)

  肖恒:那是以前的事情了。

Xiao Heng: That’s the past.

  75 对方H的技术好吗?

75: Is the other good at sex?

  洛予辰:肖恒超棒的。

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng is awesome.

  方写忆:哼,配你浪费了。

Fang Xieyi: Hmph, what a waste being with you.

  76 H时希望对方说的话是?

76: What do you like the other to say when you are having sex?

  洛予辰:喜欢他叫我名字。

Luo Yuchen: I like it when he calls me name.

  方写忆:洛予辰、洛予辰、洛予辰、洛予辰、洛予辰……

Fang Xieyi: Luo Yuchen, Luo Yuchen, Luo Yuchen, Luo Yuchen, Luo Yuchen… 

  洛予辰:不喜欢听你叫,你不要在这里破坏气氛!

Luo Yuchen: I don’t like it when you call. Stop ruining the mood!

  77 H时喜欢看到的对方的样子是?

77: When you are having sex, what expression of the other do you like to see the most?

  洛予辰:肖恒感觉到幸福的时候会偷偷侧过脸笑,我看到的时候就也很幸福。

Luo Yuchen: When Xiao Heng feels happy, he will secretly turn one side and smile. When I see that, I feel very happy too.

  方写忆:肖恒那个表情可不是仅限于在床上的。

Fang Xieyi: That expression of Xiao Heng is not limited to being above bed.

  洛予辰:我在认认真真地回答问题!

Luo Yuchen: I’m answering the question seriously!

  78 觉得和恋人以外的人H也可以吗?

78: Do you think it’s acceptable to have sex with someone else other than your lover?

  洛予辰:不可以。

Luo Yuchen: No.

  方写忆:你怎么不可以,又不是没干过。

Fang Xieyi: Why not? Haven’t you done it before?

  洛予辰:从今往后,除肖恒再不可能。

Luo Yuchen: From now on, I won’t do it with anyone else except Xiao Heng.

  方写忆:哼,我们拭目以待。

Fang Xieyi: Hmph. Let’s wait and see.

  79 对SM有兴趣吗?

79: Are you interested in S&M?

  洛予辰:没有。

Luo Yuchen: No.

  方写忆:哦?你没有?那好,现在又有几笔旧账要算。

Fang Xieyi: Oh? You’re not? Okay. Let’s settle some old scores now.

  洛予辰:……

Luo Yuchen: … 

  肖恒:方写忆,都过去了,你别欺负他了。

Xiao Heng: Fang Xieyi, that’s already the past. Stop bullying him.

  80 如果对方突然不索求你的身体了怎么办?

80: What will you do if the other suddenly stop desiring for your body?

  洛予辰:肖恒爱我跟我的身体无关。

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng’s love for me is not related to my body.

  方写忆:所以你可以继续吃了睡睡了吃啊,快点发胖走样吧,看我们肖恒甩不甩你。

Fang Xieyi: Therefore, you can continue sleeping and eating. Hurry up and turn fat and see if Xiao Heng dumps you.

  81 对强奸怎么想?

81: Thoughts on rape?

  洛予辰:要判十年,不值得。

Luo Yuchen: Imprisonment for 10 years. Not worth it.

  方写忆:对男人的话不构成强奸罪。

Fang Xieyi: It’s not considered as rape if the victim is a man.

  洛予辰:真的?

Luo Yuchen: Really?

  方写忆:不懂法的可怜人……

Fang Xieyi: Poor fellow who doesn’t know the law… 

  82 H时最痛苦的事是?

82: What’s the most agonizing moment during sex.

  洛予辰:时间不够。

Luo Yuchen: Time is too short.

  方写忆:哦呵呵,原来你……

Fang Xieyi: Oh. Haha. So you’re actually… 

  洛予辰:不是那个意思,我的意思是很快就天亮了!

Luo Yuchen: I don’t mean it that way. I meant that the sun rises very quickly!

  方写忆:哦?我比较相信自己的猜测。

Fang Xieyi: Oh? I believe more in my own conjecture.

  洛予辰:你!

Luo Yuchen: You!

  83 至今最刺激的H的地点是?

83: Up till today, where is the most stimulating location you had sex at?

  洛予辰:肖恒,你自己看看我们对这个问题有能上得了台面的答案么?下次去阳台试试吧。

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng, look at us. Can you think of any presentable answers to this question? Let’s try it at the terrace next time.

  肖恒:……

Xiao Heng: … 

  84 受方有主动要求H过吗?

84: Has the bottom took the initiative to ask for sex before?

  洛予辰(得意地):有啊。

Luo Yuchen (proudly): Yes.

  肖恒:一个星期,不准碰我。

Xiao Heng: Don’t touch me for one week.

  洛予辰:哎,为什么突然生气了?

Luo Yuchen: Ah! Why are you suddenly angry?

  方写忆:哼哼。

Fang Xieyi: Hmph hmph.

  85 那时攻方的反应是?

85: What was the top’s reaction?

  肖恒:这一题跳过吧。

Xiao Heng: Let’s skip this question.

  洛予辰:以前对不起呀,肖恒……

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng, I’m sorry for what I did before… 

  86 攻方有强奸过吗?

86: Has the top raped before?

  洛予辰:没有。

Luo Yuchen: No.

  87 当时受方的反应是?

87: What was the bottom’s reaction then?

  方写忆:被迫屈从。

Fang Xieyi: Forced to submit.

  洛予辰:没有发生过!

Luo Yuchen: It never happened before!

  88 理想中的「H的对象」是怎样?

88: What’s is your ideal sex partner like?

  洛予辰:肖恒很理想!

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng is very ideal!

  方写忆:我们旗下帅哥如云,小恒应该有更好的选择。

Fang Xieyi: There’s so many handsome men under our company. Xiao Heng should have better choices.

  89 对方符合理想吗?

89: Does the other fit your ideal?

  方写忆:洛予辰离我的标准差得还远。

Fang Xieyi: Luo Yuchen is far from my standard.

  洛予辰:谁稀罕你的标准!

Luo Yuchen: Who wish to be a part of your standard!

  90 H时使用小道具吗?

90: Do you use tools during sex?

  方写忆:哦,上次七夕的时候我送了他们一箱。

Fang Xieyi: Oh. I gift them a box during Qixi Festival.

  洛予辰:只有那个时候第一次觉得方写忆人还不错。

Luo Yuchen: That’s was the only time I felt that Fang Xieyi was actually a decent person.

  91 你的第一次是几岁的时候?

91: How old were you when you had your first time?

  洛予辰:二十一岁。

Luo Yuchen: 21.

  肖恒:震惊!你第一次是跟我?

Xiao Heng: Gasp! Your first time was with me?

  洛予辰:是啊!你现在才知道?

Luo Yuchen: That’s right! You only knew now?

  肖恒:我以为……

Xiao Heng: I had thought… 

  方写忆:第一次的话,技术烂可以原谅。

Fang Xieyi: I guess your poor skill is understandable if that was your first time.

  洛予辰:你!

Luo Yuchen: You!

  92 对方就是现在这个吗?

92: Is that person the same as the one now?

  肖恒因为上个问题很高兴,笑容很灿烂。

Xiao Heng is very happy because of the previous question, he is smiling very brightly.

  洛予辰:……(无端挫败啊挫败)

Luo Yuchen: … (Suddenly feeling defeated for no reason)

  93 最喜欢哪里被KISS?

93: Where do you like to be kissed at the most?

  洛予辰:还是嘴唇吧,那个感觉比较不一样。

Luo Yuchen: Lips. It feels different there.

  方写忆:假正经。

Fang Xieyi: Look who’s acting proper.

  94 最喜欢KISS哪里?

94: Where do you like to kiss the most?

  洛予辰:最正常的KISS就好。

Luo Yuchen: Just a normal kiss will do.

  方写忆:别笑得那么傻,好歹是我弟媳妇,注意形象。

Fang Xieyi: Stop smiling so foolishly. In any case, you’re my brother’s wife. Pay attention to your image.

  95 H时做什么对方最高兴?

95: What is it you do during sex that makes the other the most happy?

  洛予辰:告诉他我爱他。

Luo Yuchen: Telling him I love him.

  方写忆:我弟就那么容易晕头。

Fang Xieyi: My brother is so easily excited.

  96 H的时候,想些什么呢?

96: What do you think about during sex?

  洛予辰:肖恒最好了。

Luo Yuchen: Xiao Heng is the best.

  方写忆:总算是有感恩精神。

Fang Xieyi: Finally he knows about gratitude.

  97 一晚做几次?

97: How many times do you do a night?

  洛予辰:现在还比较担心肖恒的身体,不过以后就会多起来。

Luo Yuchen: Right now, I’m still worried about Xiao Heng’s health. However, the number will increase in the future.

  方写忆:当心肾亏。

Fang Xieyi: Worried about kidney deficiency[4].

  98 H时,是自己脱衣服?还是被脱?

98: During sex, do you remove your cloths yourself or is it removed by the other?

  洛予辰:我帮肖恒脱。

Luo Yuchen: I help Xiao Heng remove his clothes.

  方写忆:我弟被脱,唉……

Fang Xieyi: My brother’s clothes gets removed. Sigh… 

  99 对你来说H是……?

99: What is sex to you…?

  洛予辰:是爱啊。

Luo Yuchen: It’s love.

  方写忆:根本是你一逞色欲而已吧

Fang Xieyi: For your case, I bet it’s just for satisfying your own lust.

  100 最后,对对方说一句话吧~

100: Lastly, say something to the other~

  方写忆:你好好对我弟弟。

Fang Xieyi: Treat my brother well.

  洛予辰:你放心吧,然后,以后没事少来我家。(拉着肖恒火速撤了)

Luo Yuchen: You can be rest assured. Also, stop coming to my house if you have nothing on. (Pulls Xiao Heng away at rocket speed)


[1] Orange – Part of the author’s name.

[2] White chrysanthemum – An offering at a funeral.

[3] Want to try dying this once – Hell Girl’s catchphrase in the anime.

[4] Kidney deficiency – According to Wikipedia, kidney deficiencies leads to: Sexual dysfunctions; premature ejaculation or impotence


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5 thoughts on “[LLBN] Chapter 13: Spoof Outside

  1. KnightA says:

    Still, i have no idea who the top is. Luo Yuchen or Xiao Heng, which one is it?? I’d prefer if Luo Yuchen was the top.

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    • milk says:

      pretty sure LYC is the top. maybe XH will take the initiative one day tho owo

      +1

  2. milk says:

    omg is the part about the law regarding rape true??

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    • SnowTime says:

      I don’t know about China’s law regarding it, but I know in the USA a lot of people don’t take it seriously from men at all and it gets brushed aside.

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  3. Navleu says:

    What a funny chapter.

    Thanks!

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