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Chapter 14: Countdown


TL: Resonance

  等到我再次醒过来,已经是晚上了。

When I woke up once again, it was already night time.

  方写忆和小路都在旁边。

Fang Xieyi and Xiao Lu were both beside me.

  这一次我比之前清醒一些,我问:“我怎么了?”

I was more clear-minded this time round. I asked, “What happened to me?”

  小路非常善良地伸出手来弄来弄我的头发,安慰道:“你没事。”

Xiao Lu kindly stretched his hand over to arrange my hair before consoling me, saying, “You’re fine.”

  我又抬头看方写忆,方写忆又靠着窗子吹着夜风风情万种,他回头淡淡说:“你刚刚昏倒了。”

I looked up at Fang Xieyi. Fang Xieyi was leaning near the window enjoying the night breeze with grace. He turned his head to look at me and said faintly, “You fainted just now.”

  风可能比较冷,他拉了一下领子,又说:“你别没事老是上蹿下跳的以为你现在就算捡回一条命了。”

The wind might have been a little cold as he pulled up his collar before continuing, “Stop moving about so much thinking that you’re already completely safe from death.”

  我愣了一下子,然后我才反应过来虽然我自杀没死,但是现在仍然是个绝症的病患。

I blanked out for a moment before I recalled. Although my suicide had failed, I was still terminally ill. 

  我禁不住有点哭笑不得,原来我被老天爷折腾了那么久还没折腾够啊!

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It seems like god was still not done messing with me!

  “医生说,手术还是早点做比较好……”小路看着我,眼睛一闪一闪像纯洁善良的小鹿。

“The doctor says that it is better to have the operation done as soon as possible…” Xiao Lu looked at me with his eyes shining like a pure and kind fawn[1].

  可以,做吧。大风大浪都过来了不至于阴沟里翻船吧。

Fine, let’s do it. We have already overcome the most arduous issue. Surely there will be no problem with the operation.

  我记得是找到了适配者的,不要告诉我这方面又出了什么状况,把我这次死而复生变成最后的回光返照。

I remember that they have already found a suitable donor. Please don’t tell me that something went wrong with that and turn my current revival into my final moments in life.

  我觉得老天爷要是想玩我也不至于那样玩,太没创意了。

Even if god wanted to mess with me, he wouldn’t do it this way. It’s too uncreative.

  (橙子:我觉得亲妈想要玩你也不至于那样,确实太没创意。)

(Orange: Even if I wanted to mess with you, I wouldn’t do it this way either. It’s indeed too uncreative.)

  “那就早点做啊。我可以做,有什么问题么?”不就是把我的骨髓掏出来换上别人的么,虽然听起来恶心了点,但我还是大义凛然,非常勇敢。

“Then let’s get it done soon. I can do it. Is there any issues?” Isn’t it just replacing my bone marrow with someone else’s? Although it sounded a little disgusting, I’m still righteous and brave.

  “肖恒……”小路还是小鹿一般可怜兮兮地看着我,欲言又止。

“Xiao Heng…” Xiao Lu was still looking at me pitifully like a fawn, not knowing how to continue.

  “小恒,”方写忆说:“不是那么简单的。你有没有想过万一出现排斥怎么办?”

“Xiao Heng.” Fang Xieyi said, “It’s not so simple. What if your body rejects it? Have you ever thought about it?”

  我当然没有想过,我一直以为白血病虽然是绝症,但是只要找到骨髓移植捐献者就皆大欢喜,夏明修不就是这样活下来了么?

Of course I hadn’t. Although leukemia was a terminal illness, I always thought that we can start celebrating after we found a suitable bone marrow donor. Didn’t Xia Mingxiu survived this way as well?

  “以你的状况,只有一半的几率能够成功。”方写忆面无表情,但是已经不自觉地开始找他的烟:“万一出现排斥,你就马上完蛋。你要是好好疗养,说不定还能拖个三五年……”

“Based on your condition, the success rate is only 50%.” Fang Xieyi was expressionless, but he has unconsciously started looking for his cigarette. “If there’s a rejection, you’re finished. If you take good care of yourself, you might drag on for another three to five years…”

  哈,原来还有这么一说。

Ha. So there was still something like this.

  原来到了现在还不算是皆大欢喜啊。

So it wasn’t the time to celebrate yet.

  我私底下已经开始心虚了,我好好的善良正直的一个人,伤天害理的事情干得真的不多,怎么一辈子就能搞出这么多事情来,搞得我周围的人个个惶惶不可终日。

I was secretly starting to feel guilty. I’m a kind and righteous person, I didn’t do that many harmful acts. Why is it that there are so many issues in my life? It is making the people around me live their days in anxiety.

  三五年啊……我这么贪心的人,三五年自然不可能是我满足的,但是现在摆在我面前的是完完整整的三五年对完完整整的一辈子或现在就死。

Three to five years…  I’m such a greedy person. Naturally, three to five years would not be enough to satisfy me. However, right before me laid two choices. A three to five years of remaining life, or a long remaining life that came with a possibility of immediate death due to the rejection of the bone marrow.

  这是一个两边都食之无味的赌局。

Both the choices are a tasteless gamble.

  三五年,洛予辰肯定对我特别关爱特别照顾,我会被伺候得特别幸福,但是对我身边所有的人绝对是场空前的灾难和痛苦。

If I choose to live my remaining three to five years, Luo Yuchen will definitely treat me with lots of love and take good care of me. I will be waited upon and live very happily. However, this will definitely be very painful to the people around me

  我还没那么自私。

I’m still not selfish to that extent.

  但是一辈子呢?人人都觉得一辈子肯定比三五年好多了,但是变数也多啊。

What about a long remaining life? Everyone would think that it is definitely much better than just three to five years, but it also meant that more variables exist.

  谁知道一辈子有多久,能保证明天彗星就不会撞地球么,能保证有些高高在上的人能对着你这张算不上非常有魅力还在一天天变老的脸天荒地老至死不渝么?

Who knows how long the remaining of your life will be. Can you guarantee that a comet wouldn’t strike the earth tomorrow? Can you guarantee that people will still treat you the same no matter how much time has passed even till death when facing your not exactly charming face that is aging every day?

  况且还冒着一半马上就死的危险。

To add on, there’s a 50% chance that you will die straight away.

  给我的两个选项里居然没有一个能够给出一种令人满意的,还好意思让我选。

Both the choices given to me were dissatisfying and they still had the cheek to let me choose.

  “洛予辰呢?”我问,想到他才突然发现我从醒来就没有见到他。

“Where’s Luo Yuchen?” I asked. Now that I think of him, I realised that I haven’t seen him around ever since I woke up.

  “外面坐着呢。”小路哼了一声,没好气地说。

“Sitting outside.” Xiao Lu humphed unhappily.

  “小路硬赶出去的,”方写忆笑笑说:“我叫他进来。”

“Xiao Lu chased him out.” Fang Xieyi said with a smile, “I will call him in.”

  小路明显对方写忆的行为不满意,想命令他不准却又没有。

Xiao Lu was obviously unhappy with Fang Xieyi’s action. He wanted to ask him to stop but didn’t.

  洛予辰的脸上带了几道青黑的瘀伤。他进来低着头走到我床前,轻声说:“肖恒,对不起。”

There were bruises on Luo Yuchen’s face. He came in and walked towards my bed with lowered head and said softly, “Xiao Heng, I’m sorry.”

  我当时就有点控制不了胸口的酸涩,我把他拉下来,慢慢抱住。

I was unable to control the pain in my heart. I pulled him down immediately and hugged him.

  我们洛大明星用来吃饭的脸,是谁这么嚣张连这个都敢伤,也不怕被FANS围殴。

Who was it who dared to hurt the face of our celebrity Luo? Was he not afraid of being besieged by the fans?

  他埋头在我的颈项间,好像一直温柔的小猫,慢慢蹭着。

He buried his head onto my neck and nuzzled slowly like a gentle kitten.

  脸上的伤肯定是在我昏倒之后被小路他们打的,因为他们觉得那一定是当时十分凶恶的洛予辰造成的。

The wound on his face must have been given by Xiao Lu and friend after I fainted. They must have felt that I fainted because of the fierce Luo Yuchen.

  为什么明明不是他的错我身边的这些人却总是拿他来当出气筒,为什么明明不是他的错洛予辰却还是容忍他们的错怪和伤害。

It was clearly not his fault, why do these people always use him to vent? Why did Luo Yuchen bear the misunderstanding and harm when it was clearly not his fault?

  看着我心疼洛予辰,小路坐在床边愤愤不平,方写忆则是靠着窗户看蓝天,清明的了然。

Xiao Lu was feeling indignant as he looked at me dote on Luo Yuchen. Fang Xieyi leaned against the window and look towards the sky which was very clear.

  我在洛予辰耳边轻轻说:“洛予辰,我会去做手术的。”

I said softly beside Luo Yuchen’s ear, “Luo Yuchen, I will undergo the operation.”

  他重重地点头,磕到我的肩骨上,碰地一声。

He nodded his head strongly, causing a bumping sound as his head hit my shoulder bone.

  我说:“我好了以后,你只准和我在一起,每天要吃我煮的饭,喝我泡的茶和牛奶,每天要亲我一次,不准随便跟别人乱跑,晚上十二点之前要回家,晚上睡觉的时候我可以准你开着台灯。”

I continued, “After I recovered, you can only be with me. Every day, you have to eat the food I cook and drink the tea and milk I make. You have to kiss me once a day. You’re not allowed to randomly go out with someone else. You’ve to be back home before midnight. You can switch on the table lamp when we sleep at night.

  他拼命在我肩膀上捣蒜一样地磕着,然后我总算感觉到了滚烫的水滴顺着我的肩膀流下去。

He desperately knocked his head onto my shoulders as if pounding a garlic. Then, I finally felt scalding drops of water flowing down my shoulder.

  手术就定在我醒来一周之后那个周日,没有人有什么异议。

The operation is scheduled on Sunday, one week after I woke up. No one had any objections.

  我的想法很简单,早点治好,省的我天天看洛予辰强颜欢笑看得我腻味。

My thoughts were simple. I wanted to quickly recover so that I didn’t have to see Luo Yuchen’s forced smile everyday.

  中间要说发生了什么的话,就是夏明修来看了我一次。

If I was asked whether anything has happened during the one week wait, it would be that Xia Mingxiu has visited me once.

  他来的时候洛予辰正好帮我到超市买饼干,小路和方写忆两个人去吃中午饭,不用和洛予辰碰面,夏明修好像松了一口气。

When he came, Luo Yuchen was helping me buy some biscuits from the supermarket while Xiao Lu and Fang Xieyi went for lunch. Xia Mingxiu seemed relieved not having to see Luo Yuchen.

  他跟我面对面坐着,其实可能因为本来就不是那么熟,或者因为之间那么多年的纠葛,总之我觉得还是有些尴尬。

He sat facing me. I still felt awkward, perhaps because we hadn’t been close or because of our many years of entanglement.

  我一定是要跟他道歉的,但是我得等到全好了以后再好好跟他说。现在这样的话不伦不类就像人之将死其言也善一样,听着没诚意,没多大意思。

I definitely had to apologize to him, but I will wait till I have fully recovered. If I say it now, it will be difficult to distinguish the implications of my words. After all, a person on his deathbed tend to say words which rids them of their guilt and pain. It wouldn’t be as sincere and meaningful.

  夏明修也有些坐立不安,我觉得他可能担心我会怀疑他来看我的用心。

Xia Mingxiu was also feeling uneasy. I think he might be worried that I will doubt his reason for visiting me.

  我已经不是以前那个心胸狭隘的被害妄想症患者了。

I’m no longer the narrow-minded and paranoid me.

  “谢谢你来看我啊。”这句话可以是客套可以是真心,现在我是真心在说。

“Thank you for visiting me.” This sentence could either be just a polite sentence or heartfelt words. Right now, these are my heartfelt words.

  夏明修应该是明白的,他地笑笑,有些局促地四周张望了一下。

Xia Mingxiu probably understood. He smiled shyly and looked around the room uneasily.

  “其实我早该来了,”夏明微微修低下了头,有些歉意地微笑着说:“就是一直不好意思,有点害怕见你,你别介意。”

“I should have came earlier.” Xia Mingxiu lowered his head slightly. Smiling apologetically, he continued, “I just felt embarrassed and a little afraid to see you. Please don’t mind it.”

  不好意思的人应该是我。

The one who should be embarrassed is me.

  “我早就发现了,我要是不那么自私早点点破洛予辰就好了,你们就都不会……”他低着头,旧事重提,好像他才是做得不对的人:“知道你出事,我一直都良心不安。”

“I have realised long ago. If I hadn’t been so selfish and instead point out to Luo Yuchen earlier, you guys wouldn’t have…” He reminisced about the past with lowered head, as if he was the one in the wrong. He said, “I have been feeling very guilty ever since I learned about your accident.”

  “夏明修,不是你的错。”我说。

“Xia Mingxiu, it isn’t your fault.” I said.

  夏明修,你就是太善良,为什么是你在良心不安。

Xia Mingxiu, you’re just too kind. Why are you the one feeling guilty?

  你不应该为你没有做错的事情遭受无妄之灾,更不需要为你没有犯错的事情承担责任。

You shouldn’t be suffering for mistakes you didn’t commit, and you definitely don’t need to be responsible for a mistake you didn’t commit.

  “不是,是我的错。”夏明修勾勾嘴角,笑得有点涩然:“从很久以前能够真正牵动洛予辰感情的人就是你了,我一直看得清楚,洛予辰会对我好对我温柔,只是习惯,他对我从来不生气,除了关于你的事。说实话,我很羡慕……”

“No, it’s my fault.” Xia Mingxiu hooked the corner of his lips up and forced out a smile as he said, “Since the beginning, you have been the one who was truly able to affect Luo Yuchen’s feelings. It has always been very clear to me. Luo Yuchen treated me gently and well out of habit. He was never angry with me except when it was related to you. To be honest, I’m very envious…”

  对,洛予辰倒是经常对我生气,动不动就动粗,成天凶神恶煞的。不过我倒没想过我在可怜兮兮地一直妒忌着洛予辰对夏明修的好的同时,夏明修竟然也一直羡慕着洛予辰对我的不好。

That’s right. On the other hand, Luo Yuchen was often angry with me. He often turn violent and was fierce all day long. However, I wasn’t expecting Xia Mingxiu to feel envious of Luo Yuchen treating me badly while I was pitifully jealous of Luo Yuchen treating Xia Mingxiu well.

  “他喜欢你,自己又发现不了,不肯承认,其实也很痛苦。他不知道哪里错了,就只能别扭到拼命挑剔你,只要是你做的事,不管做错的事还是没做错的事,他全都反应过度。”

“He likes you, yet he doesn’t realise it himself and is unwilling to admit to it. Actually, it’s also painful for him. He doesn’t know just what is wrong, so he could only pick on you with all he’ve got. As long as it’s something you’ve done, whether right or wrong, his reaction will all be over exaggerated.

  所以他会对我那么恶劣,那么暴力么……

Is that why he treats me so badly and violently?

  夏明修这样的说法其实说的通。

Xia Mingxiu’s explanation actually makes sense.

  我以为我了解洛予辰,因为他的性情好恶、举止言行,我都一清二楚;但是夏明修却比我更能理性地分析他,从那些言行举止的源头来解释洛予辰。

I thought I understood Luo Yuchen. After all, I understood his temperament, taste and mannerism. However, Xia Mingxiu was able to analyze Luo Yuchen more rationally than me. He traced Luo Yuchen’s actions to the root cause to understand him.

  “你知道么?洛予辰在你之前其实没有真正爱过。”

“Did you know? Luo Yuchen has never truly loved anyone before you.”

  没有真正爱过?这句话我不能赞同。夏明修竟然把他们那段那么美好的感情,说成没有爱过。

Never truly loved before? I don’t agree with this sentence. Xia Mingxiu has actually equated their wonderful relationship to ‘never loved before’.

  已经时过境迁,不需要现在还为过去的十年遮遮掩掩。

Things have changed as time passes. We no longer have to cover up our past ten years.

  虽然会痛,虽然很伤人,它已经过去了。

Although it’s painful, it’s already in the past.

  看着我不信的眼神,夏明修无奈地笑道:“少年时的一时迷惑算什么。我出现时,你就已经在那里了,我早就知道我插不进去的。”

Seeing my doubtful eyes, Xia Mingxiu smiled helplessly and said, “A youth’s moment of confusion doesn’t count. When I appeared, you’re already there. I have known I will never be able to intrude.”

  “洛予辰其实很纯情,纯情到连他自己的感情都看不懂。”他突然笑了,有些微微的遗憾,微微的释然。

“Luo Yuchen is actually very innocent, innocent to the point he didn’t understand his own feelings.” Xia Mingxiu smiled with slight regret and relief.

  “后来他找我,要我和他同居的时候,明明就是实在受不了他自己对你的感情了。我当时真的哭笑不得,他明明那么在乎你,却害怕到傻傻地选择逃跑。”

“Afterwards, he came to find me asking to live together. He was clearly unable to bear with his feelings for you. At that time, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He clearly cares for you, yet he was so afraid he foolishly chose to escape.

  夏明修絮絮地说,我听着他的声音,视线飘到了窗外,五月午后的阳光已经很温暖,懒洋洋地洒到树梢上,静谧的绿色。

Xia Mingxiu continued speaking. As I listened to his voice, my sight slowly moved outside the window. The afternoon sun of May is warm. It shone lazily on the treetop, lighting up the quiet green.

  好像过了很久很久,发生了很多事。洛予辰变了,我也变了,但是眼前这个夏明修,分明还是十年前的样子,我看着他悄悄想,为什么他就可以一直保持着少年的样子呢。

A very long time seemed to have passed and many things have happened. Luo Yuchen has changed. I have changed. However, Xia Mingxiu who’s in front of me was still the same as ten years ago. Looking at him, I thought quietly, why was he able to stay the same as before?

  “我做得最错的事情,就是没有告诉他。我以为我也可以像你一样,也许我和他一起生活的话,时间久了,他也会像不知道什么时候就喜欢上你了一样喜欢上我。那就是我当时的痴心妄想。”

“The gravest mistake I’ve made was the fact that I didn’t tell him. I thought I could be like you. If I lived with him, he may fall in love with me unknowingly just like he had done so with you as time passes. That was my wishful thinking at that time.”

  “肖恒,对不起。”他再次说。

“Xiao Heng, I’m sorry.” He said once again.

  他的眼睛像以前一样,乌黑透亮,坚定纯净。

His black eyes were bright, firm and pure, just the same as before.

  我摇摇头,不用跟我说对不起,这样的选择不是错,如果我是夏明修,一定走上同样的道路。

I shook my head. There was no need to apologize to me. His choice wasn’t wrong. If I was Xia Mingxiu, I would have taken the same path.

  或者说,我根本在夏明修之前就走上了那条道路,我走了十年。

Or I should say that I haven taken this path before Xia Mingxiu had. I took the path for ten years.

  这样午后的日光实在是太浪费了。我们两个对着无语,就像所有被迫坐到一起的情敌一般,其实心里惺惺相惜。

The afternoon sunlight was wasted. The two of us faced each other at a loss of words similar to all the love rivals forced to sit together. But in actual fact, we were appreciating each other in our hearts.

  因为同样的追求,因为同样的伤痛,因为同样的傻。

Because we were both chasing after the same person, we suffered the same pain and we were both similarly foolish.

  “肖恒,你会好起来的。”夏明修说。

“Xiao Heng, you will recover.” Xia Mingxiu said.

  嗯,我努力向你学习,不被它打败。

En. I will work hard to learn from you and don’t let it defeat me.

  窗外是一片新绿,我只看到的树,但是我想草地上一定开满了五月的花。

Outside the window was a large patch of green. I could only see the trees, but I assume that the grass is blooming with flowers of May.

  这样美丽的季节,实在不适合生命的凋亡吧。

Death doesn’t suit such a beautiful season.

  所以我会努力不给这等大好的灿烂春光添上一抹败笔。

Therefore, I will work hard not to smear the bright spring with defeat.

  夏明修在口袋里摸索了一会儿,有点犹犹豫豫地摸出来一只金色的小锦囊,递给我。

Xia Mingxiu felt around his pocket for a moment. He pulled out a small golden coloured sachet hesitantly and passed it to me.

  我知道肯定是护身符,这种小小的东西,总是承载了太大的祈愿。

I knew that it was definitely a protective talisman. Such small object was always carrying a too heavy prayer.

  无论它是否能承受得住,却象征着一种很美好的东西,这才是人们真正需要珍惜的。

Regardless of whether it could carry the prayer or not, it always represented a beautiful thing. That was what people need to truly appreciate.

  “这是十年前的东西了,”他说:“我想当年是它保佑了我,我现在把它送给你。”

“This is something from ten years ago.” He said, “It has protected me back then, I’m giving it to you now.”

  十年了,我看着那个锦囊,干净崭新,一定是非常用心地保护的。

It has been ten years. I looked at the sachet before me which still looked clean and new. It must have been well kept with extreme care. 

  “洛予辰送给你的。”我陈述,这是一个不需要答案的问题。

“Luo Yuchen gave it to you.” I stated. It was a question that didn’t need an answer.

  “请你不要介意……”夏明修脸红了,局促地说:“我没有别的意思。”

“Please don’t mind it…” Xia Mingxiu’s face reddened. He said in embarrassment, “I don’t mean anything else.”

  我当然知道。

Of course I knew.

  我当然知道这对夏明修是多宝贵的东西,这一个小小的锦囊,包含了多少年的思念和回忆,是十年前那个叫洛予辰的少年全部的感情和心意,是他一直放在心底的珍惜。

I knew how precious it was to Xia Mingxiu. Such a small sachet contained his many years of yearning and memories. It contained all of teenage Luo Yuchen’s heartfelt feelings from ten years ago. It was something Xia Mingxiu always cherished from the bottom of his heart.

  现在他把它送给我。

Now, he was giving it to me.

  他把它送给了我,如同把他倾注了最珍贵的感情的那个人送给我。

Giving the sachet to me was similar to Xia Mingxiu giving the person whom he had poured all his most precious feelings on to me.

  “我会好好珍惜。”我郑重地接过来,郑重地对夏明修说。

“I will cherish it.” I said to Xia Mingxiu seriously as I received the sachet solemnly.

  我会好好的珍惜,这个祝福,还有那个人。

I will cherish this blessing and that person.

  你也要好好珍惜你自己,大家都要幸福。

You should cherish yourself too. Everyone should be happy.

  真正手术的那天,夏明修就没有再过来,他飞到了地球的另外一端的小岛上,说不定正对着海龟发呆。

Xia Mingxiu didn’t come again on the actual day of the operation. He flew to an island on the other side of earth. He might currently be staring at a turtle in a daze.

  我想他会找到一个地方,安安静静地疗伤。

I think he will find a place to quietly recover.

  然后有一天,再笑眯眯地出现在我们面前,好像什么都没发生过一样。

Then, he will return before us one day, smiling once again like nothing has happened.

  我光着身子穿着病号的袍子准备随时进手术室。

I wasn’t wearing anything except the patient gown as I prepared to enter the operation theater.

  非常不习惯外衣里面什么也没穿的感觉。

I wasn’t used to wearing only an outerwear with nothing inside.

  大家都不知道要说什么,一个空荡荡的房间里除了椅子就是四个人,很安静。

All of us didn’t know what to say. Inside the empty room, there were only the chairs and four people. It was very quiet.

  小路一言不发地静坐着、方写忆不顾禁止吸烟的告示靠着窗户吸着烟,洛予辰死死抓着我的右手,压抑的安安静静几乎一触即发,让我有种要上刑场的感觉。

Xiao Lu sat there without saying anything. Fang Xieyi ignored the ‘no smoking’ notice and started smoking while leaning against the window. Luo Yuchen held on to my right hand tightly. The atmosphere was so quiet and oppressive, as if something was going to break loose. It made me feel like I was heading to an execution ground.

  气氛太凝重了,我不由得开始扇扇风,由衷地说:“哎呀,我有点紧张……”

The atmosphere was too oppressive, I couldn’t help trying to lighten the mood. I said honestly, “Ah, I feel a little nervous…”

  “又不是要你去开演唱会!”小路瞪我一眼,强烈鄙视我的没神经。

“It’s not like we’re asking you to go hold a concert!” Xiao Lu gave me a glare, strongly disdaining my weak mental fortitude.

  抱歉,我就是神经不够纤细,有一半的可能能活着呢,怎么一个个的脸色弄得都像是在办我的生前追悼会一样。

Well sorry for my weak mental fortitude. There’s a 50% for me to live. Why do all of you look like you’re holding my living funeral.

  我此时很想问洛予辰还有什么话要跟我说,没有别的意思,就是看他安静得太不正常,但我不敢问,我怕问了就真成了临终前听到的最后的话,而且我怕会招惹他哭。

Right now, I have a strong urge to ask Luo Yuchen if he has anything to say to me. I don’t mean anything by it. I just felt that he was too abnormally quiet. However, I didn’t dare to ask. If I asked, I’m afraid that it will really turn into the final words before my end. I’m also scared that I will make him cry.

  我受不了,洛予辰虽然壳很坚硬但内心是很柔软的,我最怕看他哭,他哭了就说明受伤程度已经烈到穿透了他的壳伤到了他心里面。

I wouldn’t be able to take it. Although Luo Yuchen had a tough shell, he was very soft inside. I’m most afraid of seeing him cry. If he cried, it meant that he was hurt so much the pain has cut through his tough outer shell into his heart.

  可是他真的安静极了,我有点担心地看看他,伸手摸摸他的头发。

However, he was really too quiet. I looked at him worriedly and stretched my hand to touch his hair.

  我的另一只手也被他抓住了,他抓着我的两只手把我带进怀里,把我固定稳了之后他开始解开他脖子上挂的银色的东西。

My other hand was caught by him too. Holding onto both my hands, he brought me into his embrace. After I was stable in my position, he started unfastening the silver object hanging on his neck.

  我知道他把我的那枚戒指挂在脖子上。

I knew that he had my ring hanging on his neck.

  我想他马上是要给我戴到手上来,关于这一点看似很明显了,而且事实证明我是没有猜错的。

I guessed that he wanted to help me put on the ring. It was very obvious and his subsequent action proved that my guess wasn’t wrong.

  不过我吃惊的是,项链坠着的不是一枚戒指,而是两枚。

To my surprise, however, there was not one, but two rings on the chain necklace.

  他把原来属于我的那枚套在我手指上,刚刚好。

He helped me put on my ring. It was a perfect fit.

  然后他把另外一枚自己戴上,也正合适。

Then, he put on the other ring on his own finger. It fitted as well.

  我看着他手上那枚戒指,虽然和我手上这只看起来浑然天成的一对儿,心想仍然疑惑。

I looked at the ring on his hand. It was the matching ring with the ring on me, but I still felt doubtful.

  你不是早就不知道丢到哪里去了么?

I thought you had forgotten where you threw it to?

  “在盒子里。”洛予辰看出了我的疑惑,低着头有些微微的涩然。

“It was in the box.” Sensing my doubt, Luo Yuchen lowered his head and answered with some difficulty.

  盒子?我想,什么盒子。

Box? What box?

  “你送给我的那个耳坠,因为十年来一直带着,盒子一直是空的……”洛予辰看着我的眼睛,有些歉意地微笑:“我有一天突然发现这个在那里面,不知道什么时候放进去的……”

“It’s for the earring you gave me. I have always been wearing it for the past ten years, so the box has been empty…” Luo Yuchen looked into my eyes. Smiling apologetically, he said, “One day, I found this ring inside the box. I don’t know when it went in there…”

  我记得那个装耳环的精致紫水晶盒子,我拿到的时候还损过小路说到底是盒子比较好看还是里面的耳坠比较好看,我简直不如买椟还珠之类的。

I remember the exquisite amethyst box used to hold the earring. When I received the box, I even scorned Xiao Lu asking him whether the box or the earring looked better, that the actual thing I was buying was more inferior.

  因为太精巧了一直舍不得丢,就闲置在放着小摆设的玻璃橱柜一角。

Because it looked so exquisite, I couldn’t bear to throw it. Therefore, it was placed in one corner of the glass cabinet used to display decoratives.

  丢了的戒指,却原来在那里面。

The lost ring had been in there.

  肯定不是我放的,我放东西总能记得它们哪里,洛予辰一向乱丢东西,这次却丢到了一个好的地方。

It definitely wasn’t placed there by me. I always remember where I place something. Luo Yuchen always throws his stuff around and had threw the ring to a good place.

  本来装的是我逼迫下他才会戴着的耳环,现在装的是能算作两情相悦的象征着誓言的戒指吗?

It was originally used to hold the earring I forced him to wear. Now, it is holding on to the ring that symbolizes our love and oath?

  这样也不错,我觉得这算是个很好的预示吧。

That doesn’t sound bad. I feel that this is a very good sign.

  孤零零的耳坠,终于变成了成双成对的戒指。

The lone earring has finally became a pair of rings.

  虽然相对简单了点,丑了点,没品味没造型了点,却很温暖很安静。

The rings were simpler, a tad uglier, and a little lacking in taste and design as compared to the earring, but it was much warmer and peaceful.

  我觉得我是可以像这样和洛予辰一起,长长久久的。

I feel that I can be with Luo Yuchen like this forever.

  然后,就真的要上刑场了。

Then, it was finally time to enter the execution ground.

  我长长舒了口气,再看看窗外,阳光灿烂,树枝都不动,所以不是风萧萧兮易水寒,很好。

I let out a long breath. Then, I looked outside the window. The sun was shining brightly and the trees were unmoving. Very good. There wasn’t any strong wind and cold rain.

  洛予辰没有很俗气地拉着我哭,或者抱着我不肯放手。

Luo Yuchen didn’t cry unkemptly while holding on to me. Neither did he refuse to let me go while hugging me.

  当然的,又不是生离死别。

Of course he didn’t. We weren’t parting forever.

  我回头的时候,他笑着跟我招手。

When I looked back, he smiled and waved at me.

  于是我放心地跟着医生走。

Hence, I followed the doctor in without worry.

  “肖恒。”他叫我。

“Xiao Heng.” He called me.

  我再次回头。

I looked back again.

  他说:“肖恒,回头你教我做菜吧。”

He said, “Xiao Heng. When you’re back, teach me how to cook.”

  我笑了,问:“你真有心学?”

I smiled and asked, “You really want to learn?”

  他点头,非常肯定。

He nodded his head affirmatively.

  我说:“那好。”

I said, “Alright.”

  当我躺在微微发冷的床上,慢慢感受麻醉剂走遍全身的时候,好像做了一个梦。

I lied down on the slightly cold surgical bed and felt the anesthesia slowly traveling throughout my body. I felt like I had a dream.

  一个很长的梦,一个非常荒诞的梦,我已经记不得其中的大部分内容。

It was a very long and absurd dream. I couldn’t remember most of the content.

  梦里我还是我,洛予辰还是洛予辰,只不过我们好像不在这个时代。

In my dream, I was still me and Luo Yuchen was still himself. However, we didn’t seem to be in this era.

  因为我看见他拿着一把典雅的折扇,站在风中,回眸一笑。纸扇一开,香风扑面。

Because I saw him holding an elegant folding fan, looking back at me with a smile while standing in the air. The fragrance blew into my face when he opened his folding fan.

  我多没用,当然立刻大脑充血,很傻地在旁边痴痴地看。

I was so pathetic. Immediately, blood rush towards my brain. I stood there foolishly, and stared at him like an idiot.

  然后好像又发生了很多事情,我却只记得他风中的一笑倾城。

Then, many things seem to have happened. Yet, I could only remember his alluring smile as he stood in the air.

  我想我们已经认识很久了。

I think we have already known each other for a very long time.

  我会这么爱洛予辰,应该是因为我迷恋他太久了,现在发觉可能根本不仅仅是从初中开始,而是从上辈子或上上辈子就早已定下的孽缘。

I loved Luo Yuchen so much probably because I was infatuated with him for too long. Now that I think about it, it probably didn’t start from middle school. Instead, it may be an ill-fated relationship that has been set since our previous or previous previous lives.

  否则,怎么会是那么浓烈,那么执着,仿佛是从血液里流出来的爱意。

If not, why else would it be so intense and persistent, as if the love was flowing out from our blood?

  我觉得我们上辈子应该没有在一起,否则,为什么他明明在笑,我傻傻看着,却觉得刻骨悲伤。

I think that we probably didn’t get together in our last life. Or else, why do I feel so sorrowful as I foolishly look at him when he is clearly smiling?

  上辈子啊……应该是他不愿意爱我吧……

Last life… He probably wasn’t willing to love me… 

  于是这么悠远的思念,那么深沉的悲伤,在出生那一刻起就已经铭刻在我的生命里,带着我找到他,再次爱上他,然后让他终于也爱上我。

Therefore, the strong yearning and sorrow was carved into my life the moment I was born. It led me to him and I fell in love with him once again. Finally, I made him fall in love with me.

  即使物是人非,时过境迁,沧海桑田。

Through the passage of time, we were no longer the same person as before.

  我还是不停地找,不停地追,不到黄河心不死,撞到南墙也不肯回头。

Despite that, I continued looking for him and chasing after him. Not giving up even in the face of death, not turning back despite the obstacles.

  痴心啊痴心,这就是肖恒的痴心。

Infatuation. This was Xiao Heng’s infatuation

  是不是太傻了,像愚公移山,不停地移呀移呀,就算根本看不到任何变化还是风雨无阻。终于有一天一觉醒来,发现不知道什么时候感动了老天爷,于是从来不敢幻想的,从来不敢渴求的,一时之间竟然全在手里了。

Isn’t it foolish? Just like the Yu Gong moving the mountain, he continued moving and moving despite being unable to see any change or the wind and rain that comes. Finally, one day he woke up and found that he had unknowingly moved God’s heart. The things he had never dared dream about or wish for were all suddenly in his hands.

  本来以为就像夸父追日,最终要死在半路上的,结果居然皆大欢喜,可喜可贺。

I had thought he would be like Kuafu chasing after the sun, fated to die on his way there. Unexpectedly, the results turned out great and worth celebrating.

  云销雨霁,彩彻区明,继而满树花开,晴翠芳华。

After the clouds drift away and the rain stops, the rainbow forms and the area is bright and clear. Afterwards, the flowers will bloom and the greenery will flourish.

  不符合我的个性啊,那么文绉绉的,不过在我醒来的时候,这就是我满脑子能想到的词语。

Such an elegant phrasing didn’t match my personality, but it was the only phrasing I could think of when I first work up.

  我想我终于把我所有的幸福抓在手上。

I feel that I have finally grabbed hold of all my happiness.

  我曾经放弃过希望,放弃过追逐。

I have once given up my hope and pursuit.

  幸好有一次机会,重新来过。

Fortunately, I had a chance to restart.

  不是所有的人都能有这样的奇迹,即便是中了大彩的我,恐怕今生也不会有第二次。

Not everyone can experience such a miracle. The lucky me would probably never experience it a second time.

  因此我要珍惜,好好珍惜。

Therefore, I have to cherish it.

  并祝愿那些人,那些找到的,没找到的,失败的,还在寻找的,不要放弃希望,不要放弃幸福。

For those who have found, haven’t found, failed or still searching, I wish that they don’t give up on hope and happiness.

  因为终有一天可以找到它,即使找不到,也可以等,等它自己来敲门。

Because, you will find it one day. Even if you can’t find it, you can wait. You can wait for it to come and knock on your door on its own.

  我相信上天不会放弃任何一个人。

I believe that God won’t give up on anyone.

  我自己就是例子。

I’m an example.

  “洛予辰……”我叫他,暗含着主子随便使唤奴隶的欣喜。

“Luo Yuchen…” I called him, secretly feeling happy as I felt like a master ordering his slave around.

  “干嘛?”他果然颠颠地就跑过来了,洛大明星从我醒来之后就极大地显露了其奴性,有问必答,有求必应。

“What is it?” As expected, he ran over worriedly. Ever since I woke up, celebrity Luo has greatly displayed his slave attitude, answering all my questions and fulfilling all my needs.

  “你好。”我说。

“Hello.” I said.

  难得终于重新开始了,你好,洛大美人,以后多多指教啊。

It’s a hard earned chance to restart. Hello, beauty Luo. Please take care of me.

  “你脑子坏掉了?”洛予辰看着我,有点担心:“骨髓移植应该不会影响智商吧。”

“Did your brain get damaged?” Luo Yuchen looked at me and said worriedly, “A bone marrow transplant shouldn’t affect one’s intelligence.”

  我翻了个白眼。

I rolled my eyes.

  算了,一向这方面没细胞的洛予辰也不能太了解我此时内心诗人般的感叹。

Forget it. Luo Yuchen who has never been perceptive in this area wouldn’t understand my current poetic heart’s lament.

[1] Fawn – Fawn is also pronounced as Xiao Lu in Chinese but with a different ‘Lu’ so Xiao Heng kind of made a pun of Xiao Lu’s name.


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2 thoughts on “[LLBN] Chapter 14: Countdown

  1. milk says:

    lmaooo his intelligence 😂

    0

  2. Navleu says:

    I don’t like they swept all of Luo YuChen’s Bad actions under the rug with a ‘he loved you so much, but he didn’t know his own feelings’ but If Xiao Heng is happy, that’s enough.

    Thanks for the chapter

    +1

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