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Chapter 6: Speak Human
Question: What are the conditions that need to be reached for the image of a tall, handsome, wealthy, dazzling, and cool tyrannical man to instantly vanish?
Lin You the parrot answered, It’s to give a beautiful and delicate Congo Grey Parrot the name ‘Big King Kong’.
You might as well call this one, ‘Lord Orangutan’! A parrot is only so big and you name one ‘Big King Kong’? If you have a son in the future, do you plan to call him Mu Tou?[1]
Of course, the aforementioned was Lin You’s innermost complaint. His current condition was not suitable to let Mu Yanxiao know that, ‘In fact you had a very grand image in my heart but because of that shit name it crashed and burned’. He was just a bird, and that’s the tragic fact.
“I don’t like this name. I’m not big at all!”
Lin You’s tone was particularly righteous.
Mu Yanxiao’s expression became stiff when he heard it. In fact, he was already ridiculed too many times by his grandfather and that second generation younger brother about his naming incompetence. Just look at the names Mu One to Mu Five, it was enough to explain that he is really incompentent at giving names.
But to hear it again from someone outside his family? Dissatisfied with his naming incompetence, Mu Yanxiao felt gloomy, but at the same time, there was an inexplicable joy— Cough. It’s lonely at the top. His subordinates were always too obedient and not fun at all. This Boss also didn’t realize that his perpetually expressionless face exuded the momentum of ‘provoke me and I’ll cut off your entire family’. Who would dare to give him some fun?
Therefore, Boss Mu wasn’t angry. He rubbed Lin You’s wings, and said with a rather gentle voice, “Then what do you want to be called?”
Lin You almost called out the words ‘Lin You’ without thinking, but when the words came to his mouth, he abruptly stopped. No matter how stupid and abnormal some people are, they will still inwardly hesitate if they suddenly hear a parrot blurting someone’s name. Then what would happen if this Mr. Perfect, who was likely a member of an organized crime syndicate were to hear him shout out a name?
He reckoned Mu Yanxiao would directly ask his Mu Numbered subordinates to check his details. Although he felt like Yanxiao wouldn’t be able to find anything on his strange family of Celestial Masters, what if he did? A parrot just happened to say the name of the person he ‘might’ve’ killed?
Once those two originally unconnected points are connected, this shrewd person will definitely think something Lin You didn’t want him to think.
Therefore, after Lin You got stuck for a while, he sluggishly repeated a word, “Lin…Lin!”
Since he can’t say his full name, then he’ll just say his surname. Being called Lin is also pretty good.
It’s just that Lin You overestimated the comprehension of his blind master.
After Mu Yanxiao heard what Lin You said, he thought for a bit and nodded, “Linlin? This name is passable. Actually, if Linlin is fine, then being called Yanyan is also possible.”
Lin You especially wanted to give his person a sharp peck with his beak. He clearly said Lin… Lin! There’s such a long pause in the middle! How did you hear Linlin? Plus that Linlin name, it reminds him of his annoying childhood!
But by this point, resistance was already futile. Mu Yanxiao’s efficiency was too high and he already started using this name.
“Linlin, what are the dishes on the small table in front of me? Where are the chopsticks?”
Lin You listened to this incomparably intimate (ball-aching) way of calling him and rolled his eyes hard. Then he sighed as he resigned himself to this fate and started to announce the dishes, “Oh—there’s a big plate, it has a huge piece of meat that is full of meaty color! Next to it is curly noodles! And a bird egg! Next to the big plate is a bowl of white thick water. There’s also a plate of diced fruit and two yellow dry lumps of flour!! It looks very abundant!”
The Mu Yanxiao who felt extremely pained hearing this, “…”
“Speak ‘human’.”
“Aiya ~ How can you expect a bird to speak ‘human’! Although this Lord really can speak it—”
Mu Yanxiao, “…Otherwise your wage will be deducted.”
Lin You, “!”
With a flap, his slack body that was lying down straightened up. “Reporting to Your Majesty, on the table in front of you, there is rare steak with pasta, a poached egg. There is potato soup, fruit salad on the side, and there are two slices of bread T=T.”
The head can be severed and blood can flow, but the salary cannot be lost!!
“…” Mu Yanxiao was startled by this accurate and entirely different report. Sure enough, this parrot spirit was playing with him just now, he wasn’t mistaken.
Mu Yanxiao gently nodded, then grabbed Lin You’s entire bird body with lightning speed. He lifted the bird’s head with his index finger and warned grimly, “Although I think that a parrot spirit is pretty good, but a parrot spirit that dares to provoke its owner can easily become a bowl of tonic soup, do you understand?”
Lin You the parrot spirit, “…” QAQ, so scary, mama. I won’t believe that pets are pampered anymore!
But Lin You’s cheap mouth won’t stop seeking death, “Then is teasing okay?”
Mu Yanxiao, “…” This parrot spirit really can’t hold anything back.
“If you have the ability to tease me.”
Lin You listened to these words that had faint contempt for his own abilities, and he disdainfully turned his bird head to snort twice. You’re a blind man! You still need this Lord to serve as your personal advisor. This Lord can find opportunities to tease you even with his eyes closed!! Heh, just you wait, the results will be out once it’s bath time!!
“Alright, let’s leave that aside. Now that I know what the food is, the next step is to eat. Knife and fork…where are they?”
Lin You also felt that he can’t waste any more time. It was already almost twelve after their horsing around.
“First, touch the small dining table, then feel upwards just like how you stroke a lady’s thighs, and you can slowly feel for the knife and fork next to it!”
Mu Yanxiao, “…You win. Next time, feel free to use human speech to talk to me and to talk with others however you like.” Mu Yanxiao didn’t even eat yet and can feel a stomach ache coming. Just a sentence from Linlin made him gain a trauma towards women’s thighs. Deep thigh = knife and fork and so on, it’s too unbearable!
In his heart, Lin You howled with laughter, fanned his wings with incomparable cockiness, then squawked and laughed twice.
“Cough, grab onto my wings so you won’t accidentally get burned or injured. I’ll pull your hand next to the knife and fork.”
Young Master Lin You finally became more serious. In his heart, Mu Yanxiao finally relaxed. A pet that turned into a spirit truly mustn’t be raised in the future!
However, while Mu Yanxiao felt a little peeved at Lin You at first, he overturned his opinion in the next few minutes.
Lin You very cautiously pulled Mu Yan Xiao’s left hand and placed it on the fork. Then he gently pecked two times to signal Mu Yanxiao to loosen his grip. He then jumped next to Mu Yanxiao’s right hand and placed his hand on the nearby knife.
When Mu Yanxiao was ready, Lin You cocked his head and thought for a bit, then spoke, “Your food target is between your left and right hand, around ten centimeters away from your right hand. Use the knife to stab and determine the location, then you can definitely eat it based on your IQ!”
Mu Yanxiao almost dissolved into laughter when he heard the last part, but he was full of satisfaction with the accurate and considerate statement of his family’s pet. His lips quirked up as he followed Lin You’s instruction and, as instructed, used his knife to stab the plate that was ten centimeters away and accurately found the steak.
As long as the location can be determined, Mu Yanxiao’s work abilities could make people exclaim in admiration.
Lin You stood at his side and watched with surprise as this person simply and neatly carved the steak, then put each bite into his mouth. He even used a fork to grab a forkful of pasta without dropping it on the hospital bed. He instantly felt like this person was elegant again. Moreover, Lin You noticed that both Mu Yanxiao’s hands were extremely steady, without the slightest bit of unnecessary movement.
It wasn’t until this time that Lin You felt that the man in front of him was really powerful. It wasn’t about his financial resources or status, but this kind of stable bearing itself. This man’s charm and confidence were clear at all times. Such a person should stand at the top, just like his exotic and talented uncle who he only saw once.
Tsk, it just occurred to him that the most terrifying and respectful existence in his life did not change, even as a parrot. Lin You wilted, wondering if his family knew about his current situation.
Since his uncle can calculate that he’ll die at twenty-five, shouldn’t he at the very least be able to calculate the fact that his soul hasn’t left for the underworld yet?
“Linlin?”
While Lin You gloomily sighed about his current situation, Mu Yanxiao spoke up. His voice was as deep and pleasant as before, but it carried some hesitation this time.
“What’s wrong?”
Lin You flapped his wings as a response first before speaking, “I miss my home.” He did not bother thinking about how Mu Yanxiao sensed his gloomy state. When people were sad they would always want someone to lend them an ear.
“I miss my bird dad, bird mom, and grandfather and great grandfather, and my uncle—even though he’s really scary. I wonder if they are missing me.”
“…” Mu Yanxiao paused his movements, then gently put down his utensils. After a period of silence, he finally reached out and patted Lin You’s head. He asked, “Do you want to go back?”
“I can’t go back for the time being.” Lin You answered sadly. Putting the fifty-meter tear-jerking distance limit from Mu Yanxiao aside, even if he found his family, they would probably need some time to think of some way to help him.
Mu Yanxiao did not understand the true meaning behind Lin You’s words. He pursed his lips and suddenly closed his eyes, “I can have Mu One drive you back.”
Lin You’s body tilted to the side and he asked in amazement, “What’d you say?”
Mu Yanxiao looked rather unhappy, “If you want to go, go, before I plan to employ you long-term.”
Lin You was dumbfounded for a moment, then suddenly connected the dots of what Mu Yanxiao must have been thinking and immediately squawked with laughter. Finally he stopped and softly spoke, “You misunderstood, I am not staying because you want to raise me, it’s because I can’t find my way home. But still, thank you for being willing to let me go.”
Mu Yanxiao breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the words. Let’s not talk about his own feelings about the parrot right now. Based on his current state, it really wasn’t good to let it go. But it can’t find a way back? Mu Yanxiao raised his eyebrow, “You’re a parrot spirit, so you can’t find the original spirit gathering place?”
Lin You almost suffocated himself with a sigh of relief. He struggled for a while and thought that he couldn’t be exposed. He can only bitterly and forcefully nod, “Well, it can also be said like this… Before I find that path (great grandfather’s plans), I can’t return.”
Mu Yanxiao thought for a bit, “How about this. Before you find a way back, you must stay by my side and I’ll also think of an idea to help you.”
Mu Yanxiao’s thoughts happened to coincide with Lin You’s. Although Lin You can directly let Mu Yanxiao take him to fly back and look for his great grandfather, this will definitely make Mu Yanxiao suspicious. In Mu Yanxiao’s mind at the moment, he was just a parrot spirit. If he suddenly transforms into a human, this person would most likely definitely fly into a rage. He doesn’t know what sensational tragedy would occur, but it wouldn’t be good when that time came.
It would be better to wait and take care of Mu Yanxiao, gain this person’s trust, and then think of a way to let him go to the old man’s office. When the time comes, the information he left behind can be used by his family to think of a way to rescue him! This way would be safer and more reliable.
As a result, Lin You put aside his depression for the moment and flapped his wings, “Okay Your Majesty! Understood Your Majesty! Your Majesty needs to treat me well— I am your parrot from now on!”
Toward Lin You, who decided to act mental again, Mu Yanxiao retorted, “Speak ‘human’!”
“Cough, your plate has some leftover beef and noodles, if you don’t mind, can I eat some? I’m hungry.”
And right as Mu Yanxiao was about to answer after a moment of exasperation, a loud sound came from outside their door. It sounded like someone kicking the door?
Footnotes:
[1]The Tou means head, their surname Mu is also homophone with the wood mu, so the child’s name would be blockhead.
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