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Chapter 5: Incomparably Sharp


‘Parrot’ Lin You’s attitude toward Mu Yanxiao’s bullshit suggestion of ‘On-call Parrot Nurse’ was that he was not in favour.

However, the problem right now was that he wasn’t a young master. The young master right now was Mo Yanxiao, who was in control of his basic needs and even his right to life or death. As such, while being faced with Mu Yanxiao’s although blind, did-not-look-blind-at-all, glare, Lin You nodded his parrot head in the end. Wasn’t it just leading a blind man, something a dog can do, how could it be impossible for him?!

But Mu Yanxiao could not see his nod, so Young Master Mu swung the parrot cage around like a deranged man, causing Lin You to become dizzy and see double. Finally, he said an extra line that was really asking for a beating, “So what do you think? You should at least chirp right?”

As such, Lin You, “…Chirp.”

Mu Yanxiao fell silent for a moment, then he actually opened up the door to the parrot cage and reached in, rubbing the dodging Lin You within from head to toe.

The feathers under his fingertips were glossy and exquisite, followed by the temperature of a small animal. A rather heartwarming feeling followed that. “Good, as long as you work hard, I will let you eat until you burst every day.”

Parrot Lin You rolled his eyes at him and laughed in his heart twice. Damn you, only a mentally insane person like you would make a promise with a parrot so seriously after being blinded. Furthermore, this lord is not really a parrot, how could I eat until I burst?! Furthermore!

“Squawk—squawk—indecent assault! Indecent assault—!”

The hand that was rubbing Parrot Lin You’s head paused, his rather happy mood instantly plumented. This bird’s IQ was a little too high, it even knew indecent assault?!

Mu Two, who was listening in on the room the entire time simply felt as if a kitten was clawing his heart. However, when he heard the cries of ‘indecent assault’, he couldn’t help but ask again, “Boss?”

Mu Yanxiao held his forehead and turned around, walking back to his bed, “It’s nothing. Just the parrot randomly making noises.”

Mu Two: “…” Would a normal parrot’s random squawking be ‘indecent assault’?! As expected of his boss, who is different from the rest, even the parrot he raises is different from the rest!

Regardless of how Mu Two’s fanboying over his boss grew another level, the Young Master Mu in the room was carrying the parrot cage with a cold smile.

“Do you know what indecent assault means? Who taught you to shout that?” Mu Yanxiao did not even wait for Lin You’s reply and continued, “What’s wrong with me rubbing you? Even if I cook you into soup, you are not the main course.”

Lin You was utterly shocked by Mu Yanxiao’s arrogant riche style, then felt ten thousand f*ck your mom’s run through his heart. Since this Yanxiao was just so weird and believes that he was able to communicate with him, why should he bother hiding anymore? He’s a blind man anyway, could he flip the heavens even in this state?!

“…You can’t even see this lord, so how could you make soup.” Lin You lazily sent back a fatal counterattack that stabbed the heart in one shot. 

Mu Yanxiao was so silenced by those words, his face was even darker than black sesame. Finally, he laughed in his evil cold and elegant way, “I can get my subordinates to do it.”

Lin You lay in the birdcage and once more used a wing to cover his bird eyes, why did he twist the knife again?!

Mu Yanxiao heard a strange hoarse cry of anguish, which took him a while to realize was from the parrot he was carrying. Immediately, Young Master Mu became somewhat Sparta, he curiously reached out to jab the parrot he could not see, “Are you really not a parrot spirit? I reckon even a bird that has been trained would not be as strange as you.”

Lin You flapped his wings with all his might at his words, he even used his iron (metaphorically) beak to peck at Mu Yanxiao’s finger, shouting at him when the man hissed in pain, “You’re the strango! Your whole family is strango!”

…Excuse the bird’s tongue for not being flexible. When they are too emotional they cannot speak human well.

Mu Yanxiao was shocked by this emotional outburst, after the shock passed, not only was he not angry, he smiled. While Lin You was still angry and wary of him, he was not prepared for another round of harsh birdcage shaking by Mu Yanxiao. Lin You was dizzy to the point he was almost foaming at the mouth.

“Please-please stop the roller coaster…” Damn you, can you not be so deranged?

Mu Yanxiao finally couldn’t hold back anymore and laughed in the face of that weak voice. This was the first time he had truly laughed since the accident until now.

“You even know what a roller coaster is, you must be a parrot spirit…You were so emotional just now—guilty conscience.”

It was not a questioning tone, but an affirmative one. Lin You rolled his eyes while in the cage. Forget it, having this blind and mentally savage man believing him to be a parrot spirit was better than being a monster. At least he won’t be needing to find a daoist priest to exorcise him or something. 

“Back in those days when I was still a chick in the mountains… you saved me from some hunters! Oh~my benefactor! I came to pay back my debt—”

Young Master Mu who has never gone to the mountains: “…”

“…You like reading the Tale of the White Snake? You can read it, but don’t turn into a(n) snake spirit mental case (idiot) afterwards.”[1]

Lin You who was turned into a snake spirit mental case (idiot): “…” You’re the snake spirit mental case! Your whole family are snake spirit mental cases! Finding a parrot to be used as a guide dog and calling them a parrot spirit, if you’re not the snake spirit then who is?!

However, this time, parrot spirit Lin You did not roast him out loud. He feared Yanxiao may shake his cage around again. He was shedding tears of blood just thinking about it.

Mu Yanxiao was satisfied with not hearing a retort, his lips slightly rose up and he shouted at the door, “Mu Two.”

“Yes boss?!”

Mu Two flashed in within a second, his face completely one of a lackey’s that said, ‘anything you want done I will immediately do it’. 

Naturally, Mu Yanxiao could not see that face but Lin You could, and he was very speechless about it.

“What time is it?”

“Young Master, it’s eleven thirty, do you want to eat?”

Mu Yanxiao nodded his head, then paused and asked again, “What does a parrot eat?”

Mu Two: “…Uh, I’ll go ask a specialist and then bring its food here?”

Mu Yanxiao nodded his head in satisfaction, “It will follow me from now on, you can go home and prepare first. Hm, as for its treatment, let’s set it as equal to Mu Five for now.”

Mu Two almost kneeled down to his own boss after hearing this. Wanting a parrot to personally follow you is nothing. At any rate, it was also given by the second old Sir himself, so he ought to treat it well. But giving it the same treatment as Mu Five? Boss, are you really okay? Isn’t letting a bird have a fifty-thousand allowance and bank deposit a month… a bit too much?

Furthermore, Mu Five can also arbitrarily borrow ten million yuan from the Mu Family industry for emergency funds, and he was able to enter all third-levels confidential places. Isn’t letting a parrot enjoy this kind of treatment the tempo of letting animals take over the world?

“Oh, what about the debit card? Give it to it directly?” Although Mu Two’s heart was chaotic and full of ridicule, he still appeared as an omnipotent super administrator in life. “He also has a free monthly allowance of fifty-thousand. How should we go about with this card?”

When Mu Two asked this question, Mu Yanxiao was also somewhat worried. He in a moment of insanity decided to give this bird spirit the same treatment as Mu Five. The original plan was to bribe the person (parrot)’s heart, but only now did he think about it. He didn’t know if the bird knows what money is, and even if it knows, how could it use it?

But the current Lin You had none of Master Mu and Mu Two’s worries. His whole bird was stuffed with the knowledge of a monthly allowance of fifty-thousand and fifty-thousand bank deposits! OMG! You know what they say, you must be friends with a richie! You know what they say, you must tightly hug onto a golden thigh!! Anyhow, even a parrot has this much money! Oooohhhh, when he was a human his allowance itself was only five hundred a month. This disparity…Young Master Lin You salivated and laughed foolishly a few times. He felt like becoming a richie’s pet was not unacceptable.

“Richie—! Let’s be friends! Richie! I’m your bird when I’m alive, and I’m your bird specimen at death!”

Mu Yanxiao was shocked by the high pitched voice. After he understood its words, his mouth twitched. Sure enough, it was a parrot spirit. It even knows about richies. On the other hand, Mu Two was a little stunned by Lin You the Parrot’s response. This-this bird can actually talk like this? So impressive!

And what’s more impressive was yet to come.

After the bold confession, Lin You the parrot stood inside the cage. He waved with his wings and gave two coughs, “Give me a small bag to store the card inside! Hang it around my neck!”

Mu Yanxiao: “…” Sure enough, it’s a spirit. 

Mu Two: “…” Too, too impressive.

Both men blanked for a while. Of course, Mu Yanxiao was still the first to snap out of it at the end, “Just do it like this.”

Mu Two nodded stiffly, ready to turn around and get to work. Besides the card, lunch hadn’t been ordered yet.

“Ga—! Don’t forget the password! Three sixes and three eights!”

Hearing that, the consistently and incomparably steady Mu Two staggered and almost fell. Then he returned a pitying glance to Mu Five’s puzzled gaze outside the door.

What kind of sorrow was it to be a man that’s not as good as a parrot? But are all birds so clever and intelligent? In that case, should he also raise one? It could carry the Mu family’s most confidential financial forms. He believed that those hostile powers wouldn’t be able to find it even if they died trying.

When Mu Two left the hospital ward, Mu Yanxiao followed its voice and turned to look at the cage next to him, “What do you need so much money for?” Although he already determined in his mind that it was a bird spirit, or at least it was a parrot that would soon become a spirit, he still didn’t understand why it would like money. 

Lin You rolled his eyes when he heard what was said, “No money is an absolute no!”

Mu Yanxiao, who has money but no power, “…”

Mu Two’s work efficiency was quite high. After fifteen minutes, he and Mu Five entered, pushing in a dining cart and a card.

“Young Master, this card is already set up. This month’s money has already been deposited. I found someone to make a small rabbit fur bag with a chain of stainless steel inlaid with a few small diamonds.”

Mu Yanxiao thought what he heard was okay. He nodded his head and reached out a hand. 

Mu Two placed that small bag with the card in his boss’s hand. He watched, somewhat surprised, as Mu Yanxiao fumbled around and gave the small bag to the parrot who took the initiative to jump from the cage and onto the Young Master’s hand.

No wonder the Young Master treated it well. Just from its intelligence alone it was the only one of its kind in the world.

Lin You and Mu Yanxiao were both very satisfied. The former because he thought he became a nouveau riche, and the latter was satisfied with Lin You’s cooperation.  After rubbing Lin You’s wings, Mu Yanxiao turned around, “Okay. Put the lunch here. You guys can leave…Unless I give you a call, none of you can enter.”

Mu Two and Mu Five immediately nodded when they heard this. Before leaving, Mu Two said, “Young Master, I asked a parrot raising expert. Congo Grey Parrots mostly eat fruits, seeds, nuts, and other foods, but a little meat protein is also fine. The second layer of the dining cart has his food, so you can feed it.”

Mu Yanxiao nodded his head, “You guys can leave.”

When the room had no one else but Mu Yanxiao and Lin You, Young Master Mu took a deep breath and rubbed Lin You’s head. “Now it’s time to eat.”

Lin You blinked…So?

“The time to test you has come, come here and help me eat.”

Lin You rolled his eyes and couldn’t help but start cackling in his mind. Aha, he would see this crazy and cool tyrant’s embarrassing side, just thinking about it makes him happy!

“Why don’t we negotiate something first before we eat.” Mu Yanxiao suddenly coughed, “What name do you want? How about Big King Kong?”

Lin You: “…” Hehe!


Footnotes: 

[1]蛇精病 (she jing bing) – snake spirit mental case; 神经病 (shen jing bing) – idiot, mental case, etc. Pun linking back to the Tale of the White Snake


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