Side Story 3: Luo Yuchen’s Diary (III)
Xiao Heng didn’t purposely not go to pick Luo Yuchen from the airport. Luo Yuchen is recently being watched by the paparazzi. Xiao Heng didn’t want his appearance to stir up more trouble.
Afterall, a company’s president wouldn’t personally pick up his artist from the airport. It wouldn’t be good if the paparazzi find out that they have known each other as a child. Luo Yuchen has once mentioned he was “waiting for that person” in front of the media. It would be difficult to clean up the trouble if the paparazzi figure out their relationship through the clues given.
Xiao Heng wasn’t worried about his reputation. He was only worried about how it will affect Luo Yuchen.
So, he sat at home and waited.
He can’t predict what kind of expression Luo Yuchen will have when he comes in. Anyway, he can’t gloss it over with a smile. If he dares to put on airs, then they will continue their cold war.
Of course, Xiao Heng will treat that nothing has happened if Luo Yuchen admits his mistakes.
Soon, the sound of the key opening the door could be heard. Xiao Heng didn’t wait for him and opened the door from the inside first.
“You’re back.” said Xiao Heng.
Just an “En”? Xiao Heng felt that it was wrong as he saw Luo Yuchen pulling the luggage along as he walked alone into the living room.
Of course it was wrong. It was too similar to the days one year ago when I’m always attentive while Luo Yuchen is cold and indifferent.
Damn. All I did was show some temper and you’re already showing your true colours? I’m treating you too well.
Xiao Heng wanted to just return to his room and ignore this guy but another voice sounded in his head.
Your happiness now was so hard to attain. It’s not worth getting angry over such small matters.
Xiao Heng thought so too. It was so hard to be alive again. Luo Yuchen and I are finally able to love each other properly. Such a cold war ruins the harmony we have now. What’s the point?
Xiao Heng looked at Luo Yuchen sitting on the sofa looking very tired.
He must be very tired after spending half a day in the airplane. Let’s not make things difficult for him.
Thus, the kind Xiao Heng walked over and started massaging Luo Yuchen’s shoulder from behind.
This could be considered as Xiao Heng taking a step back. Luo Yuchen also felt a little embarrased. He stretched out his hand and hooked Xiao Heng’s head down for a deep kiss.
This can be considered a reconciliation I guess. Both of them thought without considering the phrase called “the calm before the storm”.
“How was America?” Xiao Heng asked as he massaged Luo Yuchen from the back.
“Okay I guess. It was just like this as compared to city S and the air wasn’t that great.” Luo Yuchen thought and said, “But the sea was very beautiful.”
“Bikini girls?” Xiao Heng asked when he thought of the beauties on Hawaii’s sunny beach.
“You watch too much TV. The weather is so cold now.” Luo Yuchen laughed, then looked up and asked, “What about you? What have you been busy with for the past month?”
“Busy solving the problem someone caused.” Xiao Heng’s tone didn’t change but the strength exerted on Luo Yuchen’s shoulder increased.
Sensing Xiao Heng’s jealousy, Luo Yuchen laughed and said, “Two crazy women. One with delusional disorder and the other wanting to be famous so much that she turned crazy, throwing herself onto me and even secretly asked people to take pictures.”
“Didn’t you still get calculated against?” Xiao Heng sighed in relief and said with a smile after finally hearing the explanation from the actual person.
“En, I’m stupid. I’m thinking of just revealing our relationship if those women stir things up too much.” Luo Yuchen looked up and smiled at Xiao Heng.
“Don’t mess around!” Although Xiao Heng felt sweet in his heart, he stared at Luo Yuchen and warned, “Don’t play around with your career.”
“It’s okay. Wouldn’t you feed me if I lose my job?” Luo Yuchen said with a smile.
“Fine fine. Wait for me to feed you.” Xiao Heng sighed.
Things would have been fine this way and they would have reconciled.
Unfortunately, Luo Yuchen just had to say something extra.
He said, “You probably won’t be so suspicious anymore once I become your captive.”
He was only making a joke, but he wasn’t so good at it. Back in their school days he was the worst student and was sitting beside Xiao Heng who was the most exceptional student. With his limited vocabulary and natural talent of using inaccurate words to express himself, his sentence can easily offend someone.
Immediately, Xiao Heng felt insulted once again. Am I not indulgent and belovalent enough? Did I hold him captive or made him feel suffocated?
I’m very restrained. I believed in Luo Yuchen despite the numerous scandals surrounding him. I was also only jealous to an appropriate degree.
Not only was Luo Yuchen not grateful, he’s scolding me and even used a word such as “captive”.
Hence, Xiao Heng swinged his arm away and stopped massaging.
“I didn’t settle accounts with you yet you still blame me for being suspicious. Do you think it’s a matter of course to have so many scandals surrounding yourself?”
Luo Yuchen should have known that an angry Xiao Heng shouldn’t be trifled with, but he still rebuked, each sentence an additional mistake.
“Last time… you never cared about these scandals!”
After he finished speaking, Luo Yuchen was startled by Xiao Heng’s sudden cold expression.
“Right, it’s still better last time.” Xiao Heng laughed and started speaking harshly, “Of course it’s better. I bowed down to serve you and I can’t control what you do outside. A life like this is so great. Of course it’s great. I want this kind of life too.”
So you still like the previous me who listens to all your biddings. Luo Yuchen, you’re so selfish. Only you were happy with how we got along last time. Do you treat me as a human? Have you ever thought of my feelings?
Who wishes to be so low and subservient to another person? I was foolish to do everything to your bidding!
But I can’t be foolish forever. There’s no way I will be doing things according to your bidding like I did in the past. I know you definitely don’t like the current me, but I can’t help it.
Because I’m still a normal person. I know I don’t have the natural advantage. I’m not as good looking as those female celebrities and can’t be brought out by you to boast about. No matter how much I try, what I am now is the best I can achieve. I’ve tried my best. It’s your choice to love me or not!
“This is not what I meant. Xiao Heng, why do you not believe in me?” Luo Yuchen felt wronged and started blaming.
It isn’t an issue of whether I believe in you or not. Xiao Heng looked at Luo Yuchen sadly. I know you didn’t do anything. All I needed was a sense of security and for you to care about my feelings. I can’t take you committing such mistakes without caring about my feelings.
Just because your heart is with me and both of us know that nothing has actually happened doesn’t mean you can openly be with another pretty woman.
“I didn’t not believe you. If you feel that I’m too petty and can’t take me being so demanding, you can dump me.” Xiao Heng stated calmly.
“What are you saying Xiao Heng?” Luo Yuchen was becoming anxious and grabbed Xiao Heng’s arm.
“What do you think? You can consider. I can also not follow you any more.” Xiao Heng flung Luo Yuchen’s arm away discourteously and said, “You can hire a full time nanny or– Oh right. I forgot that there are a bunch of beauties wanting to send themselves into your embrace even without you spending any money. You can just pick one amongst them. I’m sure everything will go by how you want and they won’t try to control you. It will also be relaxing for me. If I don’t see you, I won’t feel upset. This kills two birds with one stone, isn’t it great?”
Xiao Heng knows that he is being extremely harsh now. He doesn’t like being this way either, but he couldn’t help but want to see what Luo Yuchen will do when facing the harsh him.
Luo Yuchen was also a little scared seeing Xiao Heng who was rarely angry snapping. He couldn’t help but want to back down to avoid the storm first.
“Even if I’m wrong, you don’t have to be like this Xiao Heng…”
“Like what?” Advancing while the enemy retreats, Xiao Heng didn’t let him escape and continued asking. Do you find me too fierce now?
Luo Yuchen doesn’t know that he is adding fuel to the fire. Every additional sentence he says is another mistake. He thought and explained, “I admit I wasn’t careful, but in the entertainment circle, this kind of acting is…”
Luo Yuchen was anxious to explain and didn’t find the word “acting” inappropriate. However, Xiao Heng thoroughly snapped when he heard the word.
“Acting?” Xiao Heng asked.
Luo Yuchen felt that Xiao Heng was smiling, but the smile sent shivers down one’s back. However, he didn’t know which part was wrong so he could only nod his head.
“So you’re saying that there will always be a second and a third time?”
So it’s like this. Luo Yuchen finally understood what Xiao Heng was bothered by.
“I will try my best to avoid but I can’t guarantee…”
Luo Yuchen tried his best to explain the fact. He can only try his best to avoid it. Situations like this where a woman jumps into his embrace without warning are hard to avoid. If he promises Xiao Heng now and this kind of thing happens again, that will make him break his promise. Then, the consequence would be worse. If that happens, what will he do…
When Xiao Heng heard this sentence however, he understood it as “I will still have this kind of act sometimes, you deal with it yourself”
“You can’t guarantee?” Xiao Heng narrowed his eyes.
“If I could guarantee, why would there always be scandals in the entertainment circle!” Luo Yuchen continued saying without knowing the looming danger.
Luo Yuchen gets very aggressive when he is angry as anger overtakes his reasons. On the other hand, Xiao Heng is always abnormally calm. Therefore, while Luo Yuchen is always regretful for the things he didn’t mean to say when he was angry, Xiao Heng always considered his words before speaking. Which means, Xiao Heng never regretted the words he said when he was arguing.
Therefore, the words he said this time made Luo Yuchen fall into ice, freezing him from head to toe.
“You can’t guarantee? Then you don’t have to.” Xiao Heng smiled coldly and said, “Luo Yuchen, I can’t go on with you like this. Let’s break up.”
After saying so, Xiao Heng turned around and went back to his room and locked the door.
Luo Yuchen was stunned still in the living room and lost his arrogance in an instance. He looked at Xiao Heng’s closed door and the surrounding, not understanding why things were suddenly like this.
Isn’t it just an argument? Isn’t it just a small friction?
Why is this happening…
He slowly sat down on the sofa, his chest suddenly hurting very much.
Xiao Heng says break up.
Xiao Heng actually said that he wanted to break up with me.
Why? What did I do wrong? Isn’t it just a small scandal?
In the ten years, there were many things much worse than this that had happened but Xiao Heng had never said to break up.
Now, he says that he can’t go on like this… He actually said he can’t go on…
His chest hurts. Luo Yuchen is very regretful, extremely regretful.
He wasn’t regretful about the fact that he had made Xiao Heng angry because he was taken advantage of by the female celebrity. He was regretful that he had treated Xiao Heng so badly before. It has been ten years, the other person’s heart is long cold.
He already knew that it was impossible for Xiao Heng to love him as much as before…
If one could go and die, it means that he felt despair. Even if he was willing to be with me after waking up, he wouldn’t be as serious as before.
Although he was still tolerant and smiling, Luo Yuchen still felt that Xiao Heng would just leave one day if he ever gets unhappy with himself and never comes back.
Although he is still as gentle, caring and loving as before, it will no longer be whole-heartedly.
Then what should I do? Luo Yuchen held his head, his thoughts in a mess. On the other hand, I’m more serious than before. Now, I love you whole-heartedly. You don’t want me, but I can no longer bring myself apart from you anymore.
Ever since Xiao Heng’s return, Luo Yuchen no longer dared to say or do things wilfully despite Xiao Heng treating him as nice as before. He learned how to do household chores and tried his best to make Xiao Heng happy. He had come to understand Xiao Heng’s scary personality where he can just quietly head towards death despite looking like a normal person as he forces himself to smile.
Despite speaking and acting cautiously as if treading on thin ice, it was inevitable that he still made a mistake. It was the first time in Luo Yuchen’s life that he had treated someone so wholeheartedly and was ignored. For the first time, he learned about how terrible it felt.
Retribution. This is retribution.
I have treated Xiao Heng so coldly back then. My retribution has finally come.
Luo Yuchen finally understood what it feels to be helpless. He didn’t know what to do facing Xiao Heng’s indifference and could only let his chest hurt.
Xiao Heng, in fact, you hate me don’t you?
Xiao Heng, Xiao Heng. Is it that no matter how hard I try, you can no longer love me as much as before? Therefore, you won’t want me anymore if I make just a small mistake?
Xiao Heng, do you really not want me anymore?
Luo Yuchen’s tightly clenched hands were trembling as he looked at the tightly shut door.
Of course, Xiao Heng wasn’t being serious about not wanting Luo Yuchen.
However, the break up he previously mentioned truly came from his heart.
He was truly angered this time, so he wanted to scare Luo Yuchen.
Xiao Heng felt that Luo Yuchen likely wouldn’t believe it when he used break up to scare him. Now that Xiao Heng thinks back about his previous arrogance, he felt embarrassed.
Should I pack my bag and put up a runaway show? Never mind, it’s too troublesome.
Xiao Heng hid in his room and slowly started reflection. He is starting to feel that this fight was unnecessary.
If the woman had jumped into Luo Yuchen’s embrace herself just like what Luo Yuchen said, then it was truly nothing much.
Whether this issue escalates to a dispute or not depends on his own attitude and whether he trusts what Luo Yuchen said.
Of course, Xiao Heng believes in him. He was just being jealous.
Xiao Heng felt that his attitude this time wasn’t good. He shouldn’t be taking this scandal too seriously in the first place. Why did he use this issue to start this fight? After this fight, none of them were happy. Their happy and calm days were so hard to attain, it isn’t worth it to fight.
But on another thought, Luo Yuchen was also too much. What did you mean by acting? Why can he do this kind of ‘acting’?
He also didn’t guarantee that this was the last time. Why? Are you trying to climb over me since I’m treating you too well?
They had their painful ten years of blood and tears. There was also the equal relationship of Xia Mingxiu and Luo Yuchen that was worth learning from. Additionally, there was the painstaking advice from Fang Xieyi and Xiao Lu. Xiao Heng doesn’t doubt Luo Yuchen’s real feelings. However, Xiao Heng won’t back down first despite knowing that he was being a little inappropriate.
He has me in the palm of his hand for my entire life, I don’t want to bring myself out anymore. But at the very least, I won’t walk the old path of being oppressed by him again.
Okay, I will ignore him. If he doesn’t apologise, I won’t back down.
Thus, Xiao Heng calmed himself very quickly and started reading a book refreshingly in his room. When he got tired reading, he went to sleep, completely ignorant that Luo Yuchen who was outside was at a loss due to his scare and feeling so much pain as if stabbed by a knife.
Luo Yuchen sat in the living room and waited. He was so scared to miss Xiao Heng coming out of the room he didn’t dare to sleep at all. Yet, he waited until the sun was up and Xiao Heng never came out.
Hence, he went to cook breakfast like an underling. After cooking, he waited but Xiao Heng still didn’t come out.
Luo Yuchen doesn’t know that Xiao Heng’s habit of automatically waking up at 5 am has long been lost after not doing so for half a year. Xiao Heng didn’t have a clock in his room and he slept a little late last night as the book content was interesting. Hence, he overslept today.
Luo Yuchen couldn’t wait any longer when it was reaching noon. He lightly knocked on Xiao Heng’s door.
Xiao Heng just woke up and didn’t know the time. He still wants to put on air and intended to ignore Luo Yuchen.
Luo Yuchen was frightened when he didn’t receive any response after knocking a few times. He was worried that Xiao Heng would think too much and do something silly inside…
Nothing is impossible! He even said to break up…
Luo Yuchen started feeling anxious. He started hitting the door hard and was close to knocking down the door.
“What do you want!” Xiao Heng couldn’t take the noise anymore. You sure have a bad temper. It’s not like I’m scared of you. Isn’t violence what you know well? I will open the door and see what you will do then.
Luo Yuchen sighed in relief after finally seeing Xiao Heng open the door. However, he still felt miserable seeing Xiao Heng glaring at him so fiercely.
“What do you want!” Xiao Heng asked impatiently, “Don’t disturb me if there’s nothing up.”
Xiao Heng’s fierce attitude made Luo Yuchen’s chest hurt again. His lips moved about slightly not knowing what to say for a long while, looking a little idiotic. He asked in a tremble, “… Do you want to come out and have breakfast?”
“I’m not hungry.” Xiao Heng slammed the door shut without mercy.
After closing the door, Xiao Heng started regretting it. He was too fierce. Luo Yuchen looked so pitiful, why am I throwing such a huge temper on him?
But then he thought, Luo Yuchen, you should be more direct if you want to apologize. Taking other routes by using this kind of gentle method isn’t very sincere. I also can’t be so spineless.
Luo Yuchen’s head was in a mess after seeing the coldly shut door. Only after he lost balance and slid down the wall did he realise that it wasn’t unreasonable for TV shows to often show this kind of scene.
It felt like all the energy from his body was sucked out and all that left was ice cold despair.
Can it no longer be recovered? Luo Yuchen smiled wryly and asked himself.
I can’t. How can I let him go?
How can I live without Xiao Heng? I’m too deeply rooted…
What should I do…
My chest hurts so much. I feel so miserable.
I must think of a way…