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Chapter 38: I Only Want To Know Our Secret.

TL: Resonance

   第三十八章 只想知道你和我的秘密。

Chapter 38: I Only Want To Know Our Secret.

    阮夜笙边翻手账里的照片, 边对奚墨说:“夜笙, 你这些照片真漂亮。”

Ruan Yesheng looked through the photos in the notebook and said to Xi Mo, “Yesheng, these photos of yours are so beautiful.”


Xi Mo: “…”


She wanted to find a ruler later and face the mirror to measure the thickness of this body’s face.  She would then know how thick Ruan Yesheng’s skin was[1].


She even… called her Yesheng.

    竟然擅自加戏加台词, 我之前什么时候叫过你夜笙了?

She’s adding scenes and lines without permission. Since when did I call you ‘Yesheng’?

    留着阮夜笙对着她自己的照片自恋, 奚墨侧过身子挡着, 同时开始和陈璇说话,分散陈璇的注意力:“对了, 剧组还没有官宣, 你怎么知道我在这个剧组的?”

Xi Mo turned her body to block the view while letting Ruan Yesheng continue admiring her own photos.  At the same time, she started talking to Chen Xuan to distract her. “By the way, the crew hasn’t officially announced it yet. How did you know that I’m in this crew?”

    陈璇沉浸在喜悦中, 道:“前阵子看到网上关于绥廷开机仪式的照片和视频片段, 上面有奚墨,在粉丝里传播得很广,我在那里面也看到了你的身影。开始我还不敢相信,确认了好几遍,虽然是抓拍的,不是特别清楚, 但我知道那就是你, 正好我在所在的奚墨粉丝后援会里拿到了这次的探班名额, 你们在同一个剧组, 我就带了点东西, 想着能不能也有机会遇到你。没想到真的看到你了!”

Chen Xuan was immersed in joy. She said, “I saw photos and video clips about the start-up ceremony of Sui Ting on the Internet previously. There was Xi Mo in it, so it was spreaded widely among the fans. I saw your figure in it as well. I couldn’t believe it at first and had to confirm it several times. Although it was just a quick photo which wasn’t very clear, I knew that it was you. It just so happened that I got a spot for this visit from the Xi Mo fan club I’m in. You are in the same crew, so I brought some things, wondering if I might have a chance to meet you too. I didn’t expect that I really got to see you!”

    她说到这, 又激动起来:“其实我之前看到你的时候, 心里偷偷高兴疯了, 可没敢去和你打招呼,毕竟我是来探奚墨的班的,不太好那样做。所以本来我打算这次先回去,下次再来找你,可是走到一半我又忍不住了,找顾先生问问能不能让我再回去一趟,没想到顾先生就带我来了。我今天真是太幸运了!”

She got excited again as she said this. “In fact, I was secretly very happy when I saw you earlier, but I didn’t dare to greet you. It wasn’t appropriate to do that as after all, I was here to visit Xi Mo. I had intended to go back first and come look for you again next time. However, I wasn’t able to control myself in the end and asked Mr Gu if I could come back here again. I didn’t expect that Mr Gu would actually bring me back. I’m so lucky today!”


Chen Xuan became happier the more she talked about it. Ruan Yesheng took this chance to quietly write a line she had in “Treading With Your Voice” onto the notebook above where Xi Mo had signed her name.


That line was Ta Ge’s last line before her death in the movie.【You said you like to watch me dance. Shall I give you another dance? 】


After she finished writing, she acted as if she just finished looking through the notebook and casually placed it into the hands of Xi Mo who was sitting beside her. Xi Mo received the notebook naturally and continued talking to Chen Xuan while uncapping the pen. Chen Xuan was distracted by their conversation. With Xi Mo holding the pen and notebook and doing a writing action, Chen Xuan easily had the misconception that she was writing on the notebook.


Chen Xuan was full of joy. “Ta Ge, I’ve always believed that you wouldn’t leave for too long and will come back one day. Your fans from before are still waiting for you. They will definitely know when Sui Ting make its official announcement! In fact, many fan clubs haven’t disbanded. Everyone will unite to support you once your information is out!”


“Thank you all for waiting for me.” Xi Mo smiled and returned the notebook to Chen Xuan. “I’ve signed it.”


Chen Xuan took it carefully. The more she looked at it the more she liked the familiar handwriting on the notebook. She put the notebook back into her bag and said, “Sister Tangtang said that you all still have night scenes, so I can’t delay you all any further. Ta Ge, can I take a picture with you? I’ll leave after that.”


Xi Mo stood up and hesitated for a brief moment, but still smiled and said, “Yes.”


She knows that the idol and fans would usually choose to take a selfie when they take a photo together.


However, she has never taken a selfie before, especially not with others.


She has also never taken a selfie with her fans before when she met them in the past. Only a few people in the company, including Lu Qingming, knew about her special situation. In order to deal with this problem, Lu Qingming directly arranged for the assistant to help Xi Mo and the fans to take their photo. The moment a fan asks for a selfie, Xi Mo and Lu Qingming, etc would find a suitable reason to cover it up and change into another mode of taking photos. The fans don’t think too much about it as they are always overwhelmed by the excitement of meeting their idols. It was fine for them as long as they took a picture together with their idol. Hence, Xi Mo has always been calm and untroubled by this matter until now.


Even Feng Tangtang doesn’t know this secret. Lu Qingming didn’t tell Feng Tangtang about it and only told her to be in charge of helping Xi Mo and her fans take their photo every time they came.


If Chen Xuan is planning to take a selfie with her now…


Chen Xuan took out her phone and stood closely by Xi Mo’s side. She then raised her phone in preparation to take a selfie with Xi Mo.


Xi Mo’s whole body instantly stiffened.


She never takes a selfie.


She dislikes taking selfies to the point of hatred and even fear. When she was doing the magazine cover previously, the photographer, Matt and makeup artist had intended to take a selfie with her to commemorate. She had pushed Matt away in fear, startling them, and had to say nonsense to cover up the matter.


Now, she sees the camera being raised and facing her at an angle while someone is standing right beside her. She felt that all the pores on her body were filled with ice. Every time she breathed, it seemed to become so much slower to the point it felt like hypoxia.


She wanted to push Chen Xuan away. She wanted to run away. She wanted to hide away at a safe place where no one could find her.


But she can’t.


This is a fan which is very meaningful to Ruan Yesheng.


She hopes that she can help Ruan Yesheng fulfill this fan’s wish.


In this way, she believed that Ruan Yesheng would be happy.


Chen Xuan showed a satisfied smile and was busy adjusting the angle of the phone.


Xi Mo stood straight. Her eyes wandered about but didn’t dare to look straight into the camera lens of the phone Chen Xuan was holding up for a selfie.


She has to smile.


When taking a selfie, she should smile. Don’t let anyone see through.


… Smile.


… Hurry up and smile.


Xi Mo kept telling that to herself. However, her facial muscles seemed to have frozen in such a short amount of time. She just wasn’t able to smile. Her fingers were also shaking slightly.


“I’ll help you two to take the picture.” At this moment, Ruan Yesheng stood up.


Chen Xuan heard her words and put down her phone subconsciously. Ruan Yesheng said with a smile, “Selfie makes the face look bigger.”


Xi Mo: “…”


Chen Xuan: “…”


“I’m good at taking pictures.” Ruan Yesheng’s voice was gentle and was simply irresistible.


Chen Xuan was too dazed from all of this. Goddess Xi was personally helping Ta Ge and her take their photo. Was there anything happier than this? Chen Xuan excitedly handed the phone to Ruan Yesheng and thanked her repeatedly.


Xi Mo’s agitated heart finally relaxed when she knew she didn’t have to take a selfie.


Chen Xuan held Xi Mo’s arm and smiled very brightly as she waited for Ruan Yesheng to help them take a photo. Xi Mo’s eyes were calmer and she looked at Ruan Yesheng silently.


Ruan Yesheng raised the phone and said softly to Xi Mo, “Smile.”


Her voice was just so soothing.


Xi Mo never thought that Ruan Yesheng would be so gentle to her. Perhaps Ruan Yesheng has been gentle most of the time, but she didn’t notice it in the past because she was confused by Ruan Yesheng’s coquettish appearance and cannon mouth which always spit out things to annoy her most of the time. Her stiff body also relaxed after her mind eased. As if finding a safe haven within Ruan Yesheng’s words and eyes, she gradually relaxed. 


Xi Mo pulled the corner of her lips up and smiled lightly at the camera. Or rather, at Ruan Yesheng who was holding the camera.


After the photo was taken, Chen Xuan followed Gu Qisong out of the lounge in satisfaction.


Xi Mo only felt exhausted. It was even more tiring than shooting several night scenes in a row. As she sat on the sofa to rest, she wished that she could go back to her room to sleep right now.


Maybe she will feel better when she forgets everything after her sleep.


“So, is that matter really true?” Ruan Yesheng suddenly asked.


“What matter?” Xi Mo knew in her heart what she might want to ask, but she still answered casually.


Ruan Yesheng sat down at the side and spoke only after some time. “I once saw something about you being exposed on the Internet. Actually, it couldn’t really be considered as something about you being exposed. Rather, it was some discussion about you. It was just a small discussion and not many people knew about it. At that time, I didn’t really believe it and thought that they were talking nonsense.”


After saying this, she stopped.


“Go on. There are many things about me on the internet. Let’s see which one you’re talking about.” Xi Mo grabbed a pillow again to hug while closing her eyes to rest.


Ruan Yesheng stared at the long eyelashes that came covering when she closed her eyes and her voice involuntarily lowered a lot. “Some people on the Internet say that you are afraid of taking selfies and have a selfie phobia. They say they’ve never seen a single photo of you on the internet from the angle of a selfie, or a selfie of you with other people. Your photos with friends or fans are all taken by other people. They even post a large number of photos to compare, none of which were selfies.”


Xi Mo did not say anything.


The room was very quiet.


After a while, Xi Mo slowly opened her eyes.


She turned her face to the side and looked into Ruan Yesheng’s eyes. In the past, she hasn’t been willing to face this matter. She would even have cold sweat due to fear when she thought of it. She could only forcibly discard it far away in the deepest and coldest corner of her heart and let it be buried in dust.


But when she is facing Ruan Yesheng who brought up this matter, she feels calm.


“Yes.” Xi Mo admitted. “I don’t like taking selfies and I’m afraid of taking them. You must have noticed it just now? Or else, you wouldn’t have helped me take our photo. Thank you for helping me.”


Ruan Yesheng showed a perplexed expression.


Her expression wasn’t too surprising. After all, Ruan Yesheng had seen those discussions before and has also seen Xi Mo’s behaviour just now when Chen Xuan asked for a selfie. She was already mentally prepared regarding this matter and was probably just a little distracted after getting confirmation. However, her expression was more towards feeling guilty.


Xi Mo found it a little strange that she was showing such an expression. It was completely out of her expectation. Then, Ruan Yesheng spoke.


She said, “Sorry.”


Xi Mo frowned. “This isn’t your fault. Why are you suddenly apologizing?”


Ruan Yesheng lowered her head and eyes and spoke softly like an obedient child that has done something wrong, “When the fans came to visit earlier, I took selfies with each and everyone of them. I wasn’t clear about your situation then and made the decision to take selfies without your consent. I’m really sorry.”


Xi Mo understood the reason. For some reason, she suddenly felt like laughing. She felt that Ruan Yesheng can get pretty serious and innocent sometimes. There were only a few times she had seen Ruan Yesheng blushing, but it was surprisingly well balanced when mixed with her usual seductive nature. 


Seductive and innocent. These are clearly opposite temperaments.


Just how does Ruan Yesheng do it?


After thinking about it, she slowly started figuring out where this trace of young lady innocence of Ruan Yesheng came from— It came from the Ruan Yesheng back in their university days.


As time goes by, many things have changed. Still, some things remain imprinted in one’s mind and it is difficult to really remove them.


Xi Mo felt like laughing, but her face was taut as if there was nothing wrong. She said indifferently, “It’s fine, you don’t have to apologize. I’ve said that you can make the decision for this kind of thing. Earlier, I was present too and didn’t say anything, which means that it’s fine.”


Ruan Yesheng said worriedly, “I’m just worried that they will definitely spread the photo later when they go back. When the other fans see those selfies, what will you do when they ask you for a selfie after our bodies have changed back? Aren’t you afraid of this?”


“That’s okay.” Xi Mo continued, “In the past, there were always some fans who asked to take a selfie with me. They don’t know about my situation. Lu Qingming and others would help me deal with it and always managed to get away with it. They were fine as long as we took a photo together.  Many of the fans who have been with me for many years are already used to having others help them take our photo.”


Seeing Ruan Yesheng’s guilty expression, it was now her turn to comfort Ruan Yesheng. “It’s a good thing that you took selfies with the fans for me this time. Didn’t you say that someone on the Internet exposed that I have a selfie phobia? If the selfies are shared, there would be many selfies online as solid evidence. Those discussions would then be proven wrong without us doing anything and no one would believe them.”


She has been treated as the most precious pearl by the people around her since young, she really didn’t know the meaning of comforting someone else.


What is it like to comfort others?


She finally understood now.


It is to reassure the other party and make the other party happy.


In this way, it will make herself feel at ease and happy.


It’s quite an interesting experience.


This consolation is clearly working. Ruan Yesheng got convinced and said, “That’s true. In this way, they won’t talk much about it anymore. To be honest, the evidence they gave before seemed pretty convincing. Fortunately, not many people paid attention to it.”


Xi Mo said with a sullen face, “If everyone knew about this, it would be really embarrassing. A person who is in the entertainment industry is afraid of taking selfies. People would definitely laugh about it if this was known. If Shen Qingbei, the selfie lunatic, finds out about this, she would definitely laugh at me for a month.”


However, Ruan Yesheng shook her head and said seriously, “I’m not worried about this. I am afraid that after those who like to expose the idols and those who like to gossip know about it, they will continue to dig deeper to find out the reason behind your fear. What you’re afraid of definitely isn’t taking a selfie. What you’re afraid of is something that left you with a trauma, and that something just so happens to be related to taking selfies. The act of going through someone’s wound without any concern for others is something they usually do. I don’t want them to find out and expose the reason to the public and cause you harm.”


Xi Mo was stunned.


After a moment of silence, Xi Mo said in a low voice, “What about you? Do you want to know the reason behind this?”


“I don’t.”


“Why? People would get curious.”


“Because that’s your secret.”


Xi Mo: “…”


Ruan Yesheng smiled slightly. “That’s your secret. You don’t want to tell anyone, including me, about it. In that case, I don’t want to know it either, because you don’t want me to know. When you’re willing to share it with me one day and wish to tell me, then I want to know it. Because it wouldn’t be your secret anymore, but our secret. I don’t want to know your secret. I only want to know our secret.”


“Will such a day come?” She looked at Xi Mo and asked in a very soft voice.


After a relatively long silence, Xi Mo said, “It will.” Her dark eyes were so focused as she continued, “Since we already share a secret of exchanging bodies, it should be possible to have other secrets as well. It’s just that I can’t tell you yet.”



[1] Thick skinned = shameless

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