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Chapter 78: Yize, I Think I Do Like You A Little

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In a blink of an eye, the weekends came. With Yan Ziwei’s invitation, Su Jian and Yan Ziwei arrived at a hot spring at the city’s outskirts.

Within the mist, Yan Ziwei stretched her back and breathed out a long sigh. “So comfortable!”

“Yes.” Su Jian agreed, but his eyes shone brightly as he stared at Yan Ziwei’s chest.

Following his line of sight, Yan Ziwei looked down and laughed, “How is it? Although they can’t be compared to yours, I feel that they have become slightly larger in the past few months. Don’t you think so?” After saying so, she even held her chest up and showed it to Su Jian.

Su Jian replied awkwardly with an “En”, but his heart was mourning. Yan Ziwei had a good figure as well as a beautiful face, standing unobstructedly in front of Su Jian. If it was in the past, he would already be nosebleeding. But why was it that although he felt that the body before him was very beautiful and alluring, he no longer felt aroused?

Don’t tell me my preference really has changed and I like guys now?

Su Jian felt sad instantly, his face looking like his life was hopeless.

As for Yan Ziwei, she looked at his body and locked her line of sight onto a target.

Moving towards Su Jian, Yan Ziwei poked a spot on Su Jian’s chest and laughed mischievously, “What is this?”

Su Jian lowered his head to take and look and his face heated up immediately. Why hasn’t the hickey disappeared?

Yan Ziwei couldn’t help but look towards Su Jian’s body, which was hidden underwater. Laughing, she asked, “Don’t tell me there are more below?”

Su Jian shook his head profusely. “No!”

Yan Ziwei raised one of her arms and hooked it onto his shoulder. She asked, “Xiao Jian, tell me honestly. Do you like An Yize or not?”

If it was in the past, Su Jian would definitely have denied it without hesitation when Yan Ziwei asked this question. But now…

Su Jian shook his head honestly. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t know?” Yan Ziwei raised her eyebrows. “It’s very simple. I will ask you some questions. You just have to answer me honestly.”

Su Jian nodded his head.

“Do you like being together with him?”

An Yize isn’t noisy nor clingy. When he’s with An Yize, he can do things freely. When he wanted something to drink or eat, he could also An Yize to get it for him. Speaking honestly, he doesn’t hate it.

Su Jian hesitated for a moment before replying vaguely with an “En”.

“When he’s not by your side, do you miss him?”

He definitely wouldn’t feel anything in the past. But recently, An Yize’s existence was too great he would appear in his mind from time to time. Although An Yize wasn’t by his side, his face and body flashed in his mind continuously. How unbearable!

Su Jian held his head helplessly. “En.”

Yan Ziwei pursed her lip and smiled, “Then, when he kisses and touches you, do you… feel comfortable?”

If I wasn’t comfortable how could I be infatuated with An Yize’s *? Your mom! When I was kissed and touched by An Yize before, I only felt warm and dizzy at most. Recently, however, my body trembles like I’ve been electrocuted. Sometimes, when I listen to his voice over the phone, I can also feel my heart trembling inexplicably. That guy is obviously a human-shaped aphrodisiac!

Su Jian replied looking ashamed, “En…”

“Then, if he is together with other women, do you feel uncomfortable?”

Other women? Ji Yan? Impossible. An Yize has already rejected her! Bai Ningxue? That’s not possible too. An Yize had said that he only treats her as a younger sister!

Yan Ziwei who was by his side helped guide him through his thinking process. “Think of it this way. You see, if you and An Yize divorced, An Yize would definitely be with another woman. He will do everything he had done to you to that woman.”

Su Jian was shocked.

An Yize helping someone else with her food…

An Yize buying sanitary pads for someone else…

An Yize helping someone else blow her hair…

An Yize hugging someone and waking up with them…

An Yize holding onto someone else’s hand…

An Yize saying “I love you” to someone else…

…Something like this?

Su Jian lowered his head and smiled, “It doesn’t seem that uncomfortable.”

Looking at his stiff expression, Yan Ziwei laughed. “Really? Whether you’re uncomfortable or not, only your heart truly knows.”

Su Jian really didn’t feel that uncomfortable. He just felt empty and uncertain. Imagining the fact that if one day, he and An Yize met each other on the street, An Yize would tell him with that calm and impassive face, “Jian Jian, this is my wife,” Jian Jian felt a melodramatic experience in life.

Yan Ziwei sighed, “Xiao Jian, looks like you really like him.”

Su Jian quickly rebutted, “No…”

Yan Ziwei interrupted him, “What’s there to be shy about such things? Although I’m not very familiar with An Yize, he seems fine so far and he treats you well. It really isn’t strange for you to like him. If it was me, I wouldn’t be able to bear leaving him for another woman too!”

Su Jian felt tired and couldn’t give a reply.

Yan Ziwei continued, “Since the two of you are already married, it saves you a lot of trouble! Now, you just have to find a day to cook the raw rice into cooked rice^[1]!

Su Jian who was already a bowl of cooked rice, “……”

   ……

Originally, he had come here with Yan Ziwei to relieve his stress. Unexpectedly, when Su Jian came out of the hot spring with Yan Ziwei, he felt more tired instead.

In the hall, Su Jian gave special attention to a few mens’ bodies. They had great figures as well as eight packs. However, he realized that he didn’t feel anything special when seeing them. He felt the same as when he saw his male classmate’s body when he was bathing in the public bathhouse back in his school days. Only one word could describe it—meat.

Su Jian felt happy yet despaired—Your mom! I’m not drooling for girls, but neither do I want guys. So I’m only feeling it from An Yize?

Su Jian felt like scratching the wall once again.

Returning home, Su Jian laid silently on the sofa and fell into a daze. Seeing An Yize approaching, he suddenly asked, “Yize, what’s the exact date our contract ends?”

An Yize’s movement came to a halt. He spoke slowly with a low voice, “Why are you suddenly asking about this?

All of a sudden, Su Jian didn’t there to look at him. He replied softly, “I just thought that the day of our planned divorce seems to be approaching soon…”

An Yize was silent and didn’t speak afterward.

   ……

Fortunately, when the next day came, An Yize returned back to his usual self. Although his expression was as plain as usual, the way he looked at Su Jian was gentle. When Su Jian was getting off the car after being sent by An Yize to school, An Yize moved his face over to give Su Jian a kiss.

However, Su Jian turned his face away.

An Yize’s expression stiffened.

Su Jian quickly opened the door. “I’m running late! I’m going off!”

After walking a distance, Su Jian looked back and saw that An Yize had already driven away.

Su Jian relaxed his shoulders and let out a long sigh.

Actually, he didn’t feel comfortable seeing An Yize with that expression. However, thinking about that fact that he will like An Yize made him shocked. Although Su Jian’s body was female, his orientation had always been towards women. Now that he suddenly liked a man, he found it hard to accept immediately.

Returning back home at night, Su Jian silently searched up about the procedures for a divorce online and printed out two divorce agreement templates.

Then, he looked at the two templates and fell into a daze.

Until something sounded behind him.

In a shock, Su Jian quickly stuffed the divorce agreement templates into the drawer. Turning around, he saw An Yize staring at him silently.

Not knowing whether An Yize saw the divorce agreement templates or not, Su Jian couldn’t help but feel perturbed.

However, An Yize’s voice sounded the same as usual, quiet and gentle.

“Jian Jian.”

“En?”

An Yize moved over. Ignoring Su Jian’s avoidance, he kissed Su Jian in between his brows.

“I love you.”

Su Jian was at a lost of what to do. “En. I, I know…”

An Yize didn’t speak further. He did not mention the divorce agreement templates, and neither did he said anything to persuade Su Jian to stay.

On the contrary, it was Su Jian who felt terrible when seeing the calm and gloomy An Yize.

   ……

An Yize started working overtime again.

Su Jian wasn’t sure whether An Yize was purposely avoiding him or was truly busy. However, Su Jian didn’t ask.

For the past few days, the two of them had interacted harmoniously and naturally. In fact, they were much more intimate than before. Now that their interactions had suddenly become stagnant, Su Jian couldn’t get used to it.

He knows that the problem laid within himself. An Yize liked him and the two of them had already done that. It’s normal for An Yize to think that he likes him too. Yet in the end, all he talked about was a divorce. An Yize would naturally be unable to accept this fact.

Su Jian gave out a long sigh.

If it was in the past, whether An Yize was feeling terrible or was working overtime, it wouldn’t affect how Su Jian was enjoying himself. But now…

Su Jian picked up his coat and went out determinedly.

Passing by the “Three Little Bears” cake shop, Su Jian asked the chauffeur to stop for a while.

Recalling the flavor of cake that An Yize liked, Su Jian bought the cake and returned back to the car. Seeing the advertising slogan “If you’re feeling sad, come have Three Little Bears” on the packaging, Su Jian couldn’t help but smiled. However, thinking of what he was about to say to An Yize later, his smile slowly disappeared.

The lights in the CMI building was brightly lighted. It seemed that An Yize working overtime wasn’t an excuse. Su Jian reached the president’s office, only to be told that An Yize was away for a meeting. Thus, Su Jian had to wait for An Yize in his office.

Settling himself on the sofa in An Yize’s office, Su Jian started feeling sleepy after smelling the aroma of the cake above the coffee table.

“Jian Jian?” Just before he fell asleep, An Yize’s voice sounded.

Su Jian rubbed his eyes and asked sleepily, “Done with your meeting?”

“En.” An Yize crouched down before him. Touching his hair, he asked with a very gentle voice, “Why did you come here all of a sudden?”

Su Jian sat upright and said with a smile, “I’m here to pick you from work. Aren’t you moved?”

An Yize smiled too. “En, I’m moved.” Seeing the cake on the coffee table, he was surprised. “You bought cake?”

Su Jian nodded in reply, “En, I specially bought Three Little Bears to pacify you. I’m not sure if it will be useful.”

An Yize was stunned. “Pacify me?”

“That’s right.” Su Jian laughed, “I’m scared that you’re angry with me.”

An Yize shook his head in reply, “I’m not angry with you.”

“You said this yourself!” Su Jian smiled. However, his smile slowly disappeared. “Yize, I’ve something to tell you.”

An Yize’s expression stiffened. He looked at Su Jian without speaking.

Su Jian continued, “The school is sending teachers rural towns and villages for response support. I’ve signed up for it and the school has approved of it as well.”

An Yize was silent for a moment before asking, “How long is it?”

Su Jian replied, “One year.”

An Yize asked, “Why did you sign up for it?

Su Jian laughed, “Because I have a good conscience!” However, seeing no trace of laughter in An Yize’s eyes, only an unhidden dejectedness, his smile slowly disappeared.

An Yize stared at him straight and asked with a low voice, “Jian Jian, are you so unwilling to stay with me? You still wish for a divorce don’t you?”

   ……

The employees had finished working overtime and had all left. The whole building was silent and only the occasional sound of the wind blowing through the curtain could be heard.

Outside the large french window, the lights of the city were flickering silently in the night.

Seeing the hurt in An Yize’s eyes under the lights, Su Jian compromised.

“No.”

An Yize suddenly jolted.

Su Jian stared at An Yize silently, looking very serious. “Yize, it’s not that I’m unwilling to be with you.”

An Yize’s eyes slowly started glimmering

“It’s just that I’m unable to confirm.” Su Jian continued, “ I think I do like you a little. However, I’m not sure exactly how much this like is.”

An Yize didn’t say anything. He looked at Su Jian silently, listening very seriously.

“Therefore, I want to think about it calmly.” Su Jian was quiet and calm, something that was never seen before. “Our relationship started as a transaction. Me liking you may just be because I feel moved or may be because I feel guilty. It may also be possible that I wanted to continue using you. But no matter what the reason is, it should never be the last reason.”

An Yize held Su Jian’s hands gently. Su Jian didn’t move, and obediently let An Yize wrap his hands in his palm.

An Yize said with a hoarse voice. “It’s okay, whether you are moved or just using me…”

“No.” Su Jian interrupted him, “If my liking only amounted to this, it wouldn’t be fair to you. Once this temporary feeling passes by, I may be able to throw it aside. If that’s the case, Yize, I wouldn’t be able to hold on if there are temptations in the future.”

Perhaps to others, liking An Yize is just a simple male and female relationship. But to him, it was a difficult change in sexual orientation. If his feeling of like isn’t strong enough, he would definitely regret in the future. If he met a girl that was pleasing to his eyes, he may just abandon An Yize. If that was really the case, it would be better for him to leave An Yize now. Otherwise, An Yize would be even more heartbroken in the future.

An Yize hugged him and said with a low and hoarse voice, “Jian Jian, I don’t care…”

Su Jian’s heart suddenly heated up. Raising his hands, he hugged An Yize’s waist and buried his face in An Yize’s embrace. “But I care.”

If I didn’t care about your love, I might be able to trample over it. However, I care about your love. Therefore, I’m scared of letting you down.

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Footnotes:

[1]Cook the raw rice into cooked rice – This can mean ‘what’s done is done’ as once rice is cooked, it cannot go back to its original state. This can also mean a man and woman having sex.

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