Chapter 9: In This Day And Age, A Man Who Can’t Cook Is Not A Good Man!
Waking up from an afternoon nap and feeling in a good mood, Su Jian looked at his cell phone. The time said it was already past four o’clock.
When Su Jian entered the living room, An Yize was standing at the balcony to the side, as if he’d only just finished making a call.
Su Jian sat on the couch, placed his injured leg on the coffee table, and then watched An Yize.
An Yize walked in, saw him, then walked towards the couch. “You just woke up?”
Su Jian stared blankly, “How did you know?”
An Yize pointed, “Hair.”
Su Jian lowered his head to look. Oh, right! His hair was messy. He could tell with one look that it was from him rolling around on a bed as he slept.
Su Jian laughed dryly and casually combed his finger through his hair.
An Yize stretched out a hand to help him smooth his hair.
He moved so naturally that it didn’t even bother Su Jian. Su Jian grumbled, “Long hair is too much trouble! I wish I could shave it! It would save me from combing, hair washing water, and all of the work!”
His gaze turned only to find An Yize trying to hold in a laugh.
An Yize could actually laugh! Su Jian was silently surprised. He glared, “What are you laughing at?”
An Yize said, “I thought all girls liked long hair.”
Su Jian thought: I also like girls with long hair, but I don’t like it with long hair growing on my own head!
Su Jian played with the end of a lock of his long hair, coughed to clear his throat, then said, “Hubby, I’m hungry.”
Su-girly’s voice was already nice–soft with a bit of unwitting elegance in it. But after Su Jian deliberately added an innocent, wounded tone to it, it naturally became a very powerful weapon. Su Jian didn’t know if it had affected An Yize, but he had even managed to move himself! Su Jian thought that if a girl talked like that to him, he’d have already gone limp and done whatever she asked of him!
As it turned out, An Yize was nothing more but a normal man. After hearing Su Jian’s words, his expression became even gentler.
“Recently, you seem to be hungry a lot more.”
Su Jian: “……” Mr. An. Don’t think that I can’t tell that you’re implying I’m a pig!
Su Jian unhappily said, “I’m still recuperating. Of course I’ve got to eat more!” He glared at An Yize, “And I don’t want takeout for dinner!”
“I also don’t want instant noodles!”
An Yize looked at him helplessly.
Su Jian said, “Even if we’re not really a couple, we’re still cohabiting. Now that I’m crippled, shouldn’t you make me something good to help me recuperate?”
After An Yize was silent for a moment: “…I’m not a good cook.”
Su Jian enthusiastically said, “That’s okay, I believe in you. Seeing that you can even become a President, how can you not be able to cook a meal?!” Humph, Mr. An, I’m not letting you get away so easily! Seeing my damned love rival act like a servile little wife as you cook for me or something would feel amazing!
When An Yize didn’t speak, Su Jian hurriedly handed him a cell phone, “if you don’t want to go to the grocery store, you can just call them. Whatever you need, they can deliver!”
An Yize still hesitated, speechless.
Su Jian quickly recalled some images of delicate leading actresses in romance movies, and without a shred of mercy, he lightly pulled at An Yize’s sleeve, pouted his lips, lifted his face, and fluttered his eyelashes at him. “Hubby…” This word was said in a soul-stirring manner, in a way that was able to twist a man into knotsS
An Yize snorted in laughter.
Su Jian was dumbfounded. What kind of reaction is this An-surnamed guy showing? I, your father, have worked so hard and performed so on-point. Isn’t this the time when you do what I, your father ask for you to do? If I, your father ask for your bank account number, you should be offering me the PIN as well!
After An Yize saw Su Jian’s dumbstruck face, he stretched out a hand to pet his head and said with a half-smile, “Alright.”
Su Jian thought: An Yize, this guy… When he smiles, he really is damned… creepy and lewd! He stubbornly refused to admit that when the poker-face in front of him laughed relaxedly, he looked very attractive.
Su Jian was in a good mood after An Yize agreed. He crossed his legs in the living room and watched TV. He was even able to watch the public broadcasting farming channel’s Pig farming show with much interest.
An Yize took out a stack of paper, casually glanced at the TV, and then looked at the little girl lazily laying on the couch in surprise.
Su Jian immediately noticed. “What?”
An Yize said, “I just never thought you’d enjoy this type of show.”
Su Jian felt that the man in front of him was looking down on his tastes and became unhappy immediately. “What’s wrong with this type of show? If no one raised pigs, where would you get pork to eat?”
An Yize nodded. “You’re right. Pig farming is very important.” He finished speaking then walked towards the kitchen.
Su Jian watched the show for a while longer before he suddenly had a delayed reaction. Was this guy indirectly calling him a pig!?
This was enough! Su Jian hopped to the kitchen in a rage.
Then he saw the An Yize holding some paper in his hands. He curiously said, “What are you holding?”
An Yize: “Printed recipes.”
Su Jian was instantly happy, “It seems you’ve prepared thoroughly!”
An Yize: “You should go back to watching your pig farming show.”
Su Jian’s eyes sparkled. “Yes! Then I’ll go back! Take your time!” he said before gladly hopping back.
Behind him, An Yize watched his lively receding figure, his mouth involuntarily forming a half-smile.
Over an hour later, dinner was served.
Su Jian automatically sat down at the dinner table as soon as possible and sized up the fruits of An Yize’s labor.
Su Jian curled his lip in disappointment.
An Yize handed him a pair of chopsticks. “What’s wrong?”
I didn’t get a chance to ridicule you so I’m unhappy!
Su Jian let out a dry laugh, “Nothing’s wrong.” He sullenly stretched his chopsticks towards the dishes.
After eating a cchopstick full of stir-fried eggs and tomatoes, Su Jian was immediately invigorated.
“Your stir-fried eggs and tomatoes… how much salt did you add?”
An Yize stared blankly, “Not much salt, mostly sugar… don’t tell me–”
Su Jian gloated, “You probably mixed up the salt and sugar.”
An Yize: “……”
Su Jian next pointed his chopsticks towards the green peppers with pork. He displayed a conflicted expression.
An Yize silently watched him.
Su Jian gleefully said, “The green peppers are a bit uncooked.”
An Yize quietly carried away the Chinese yam pork rib soup.
Su Jian was surprised, “What are you doing?”
An Yize calmly said, “Let’s not drink this soup.”
Su Jian thought: This is such a great chance to make fun of you. How can I let this go? Thus, he snatched the bowl, nimbly scooped a spoonful, and drank it.
Then, he kept that mouthful of soup in his mouth, unable to either spit or swallow.
In the end, Su Jian swallowed with much difficulty, then asked, “You put sugar instead of salt in the soup, right?”
An Yize silently nodded.
Su Jian laughed. What did he, Su Jian, like to do the most? Ah! That was to attack his damned love rival An Yize! What did he, Su Jian, like to watch the most? That would be to see his damned love rival’s face after having suffered an attack!
An Yize! So what if you’re tall, rich, and handsome?! So what if you’ve become a president by the age of thirty?! In this day and age, a man who can’t cook is not a good man!
Su Jian was exceedingly excited after finally finding An Yize’s weakness; he beamed in happiness.
An Yize saw how happy he looked after drinking the soup and couldn’t help become surprised, “What are you so happy about?”
“Ah?” Su Jian came back to his senses and saw An Yize frankly appraising him. Of course, he didn’t dare tell him his thoughts so he carelessly made up an excuse, “I think this soup doesn’t taste too bad.”
An Yize was reticent again, then pushed the soup over. “Since you like it, then I’ll give it all to you.”
Su Jian: “……”
An Yize stood up. “I might as well order takeout.”
Su Jian hurriedly stopped him, “No need! No need! We should just suck it up and eat it! Otherwise, it’d be so wasteful!”
When An Yize put down his phone and sat, Su Jian busied himself enthusiastically serving him some food. “Here. The cook had it the hardest. You have to eat the most!”
An Yize hesitantly took a few bites, then put down his chopsticks without a word.
Across from him, Su Jian was all smiles.
An Yize: “You’re really that happy?”
Su Jian stared blankly, “Ah?”
An Yize pointed at the dishes he made, “I failed at cooking. That makes you very happy?”
Su Jian hurriedly shook his head in order to portray complete honesty.
An Yize sighed lightly, “Really a little girl.”
Su Jian became unhappy, “Who’s a little girl!?” I, your father, am a big manly man approaching thirty. You’re only older than me by a year. What is there to be arrogant about?
“You’re only twenty-one this year,” said An Yize.
Yi? Su Jian was a bit astonished. Su-girly was a high school teacher; she should have completed an undergraduate degree, at least. Even if she had just graduated this year, twenty-one is a bit too young! Is it possible that she skipped grades?
Su Jian suddenly felt a little depressed. Although being young was a blessing, he really couldn’t get used to this sudden return to youth.
Yet, with Su-girly’s face, she didn’t even look old enough to even be twenty-one. Her graceful and lovable appearance would allow her to pass herself off as a fifteen or sixteen year old high schooler without much difficulty, even if that was much younger than her actual age.
Come to speak of it, An Yize sought to marry a little girl nine years his junior who looked like a minor?
An Yize. Oh, An Yize. It turns out that you have this kind of taste… hehehehehehehe
Su Jian stroked his chin with two fingers, and looked at An Yize while laughing suggestively. “You like cute little girls?”
An Yize stared blankly.
Su Jian said in a ‘bro, I get you’ tone, “Men. When a man is eighteen, he likes eighteen year olds. When he’s twenty-eight, he still likes eighteen year olds. Whether thirty-eight, forty-eight, or even a hundred, men will always love eighteen year old little girls the best! There’s nothing to hide about it! After all, cute little girls have three things going for them: lovably cute, delicately soft, and easy to push down. Everyone likes them!”
An Yize was speechless. A long while later, he said, “After your amnesia, you’ve become… much more carefree.”
Su Jian trembled in fear. Does this guy suspect something?
He carefully asked, “How was I like before, then?”
An Yize: “Previously, you were more sweet-tempered and ladylike.”
Su Jian thought, That’s because that person from before was a woman through and through, but now the person in front of you is a transgendered real man! I, your father, am a big manly man! How could I give you someone who is sweet-tempered and ladylike?
Su Jian coughed then said, “Actually, the present me is the real me. Previously, I was extremely stressed because my mother was sick. How would I be able to be carefree? Plus, I didn’t really know you at the time so, of course, I was more reserved. Now that I’ve got amnesia, I’ve returned to my true nature!”
After he saw An Yize hesitate, Su Jian started to worry, afraid he’d discovered a flaw. Thus, he added, “Actually, you don’t understand women. They are different in front of different people! Didn’t a woman once say: Strangers think I’m a regular youth. Acquaintances feel I’m a scholarly youth. Only the best of friends know that I’m actually a bird-brained youth!”
An Yize hesitated for a moment, then looked at him, “So, right now, we are the best of friends, right?”
Su Jian stared blankly, “Huh?”
An Yize got up and started phoning for takeout.
This time Su Jian didn’t stop him. After all, he had already gotten to ridicule him. He didn’t have to sacrifice himself anymore and eat the fruits of An Yize’s labor.
Su Jian was very pleased to hear An Yize saying the menu over the phone. At this time, he sudden had an epiphany. He suddenly understood what An Yize just said.
–Then, right now, we are the best of friends?
fúck! An Yize! You’re the bird-brained youth! Your whole family is full of bird-brained youths!