Oneshots

The Legend of the Big JJ


JJ = dick

PP = butt

Gong Jun has a big JJ.

Perhaps you want to retort that all tops have a big JJ—that ‘big JJ’s are more numerous cucumbers. However, Gong Jun’s was different. His, was even more majestic.

This JJ was three meters long under normal circumstances, and Gong Jun normally had to wrap it around his waist, which he could do three full times.

This had an advantage, but it also had its shortcomings. Let’s give two examples as proof:

Once, Gong Jun and his bottom, someone named Xiao Shou, lost the key to their house. When that happened, Xiao Shou remembered that the window on the second floor wasn’t locked. So Gong Jun said ‘let’s do it’. Xiao Shou rubbed Gong Jun’s JJ from end to end like a water pipe. Once Gong Jun’s JJ had become harder and longer, Xiao Shuo sat on the JJ, his PP clamped tightly. Following Gong Jun’s loud shout of “Rise!!!”, Xiao Shou quickly rose to the second floor. Just like that, a troublesome problem was easily solved. Xiao Shou’s favorite leisure activity was ‘JJ Flying Chair’, during which he would turn round and round as he soared whilst atop Gong Jun’s JJ—like a happy bird.

At another time, Xiao Shou’s ring fell between the wall and piece of equipment. He didn’t know what to do, so he called Gong Jun over. Gong Jun then tried to retrieve with all sorts of slender things, but it was all too big to do so. Gong Jun fell silent for a moment then said, “Go lock the door, there’s nothing this long around—it looks like I can only use my JJ.” As such, another problematic problem was settled as well.

Next would be the disadvantages of having such a big JJ.

There was a time when Gong Jun and Xiao Shou went to the amusement park to ride on the roller coaster. However, Gong Jun didn’t expect his JJ to not be tied tight enough; his JJ actually unraveled itself during a large dive! Gong Jun’s JJ flew out and swung left and right due to the roller coaster’s movements. It also struck many people, causing Gong Jun to feel a bit pained! As such, he worked hard to repack his JJ. He randomly wound it up and held it close to his chest, thus completing the dangerous adventure. When they got off, Xiao Shou helped him reach the toilet by using a bookbag to block the view Gong Jun’s JJ.

The final story, is the conclusion of Gong Jun and Xiao Shou.

A period of time later, Gong Jun discovered that his JJ had grown bigger again. There wasn’t enough room in their house for him to be intimate with Xiao Shou, thus he bought a new villa and had people tear down all the walls so that all the rooms were interconnected. In this new villa, even the kitchen and toilet were torn down. When the villa finally only had one room left, Gong Jun impatiently pulled Xiao Shou to him so that they could get intimate. However, they had only progressed half way when a rumbling sound could be heard and the roof collapsed. As it turned out, Gong Jun had actually also torn down the supporting walls. Gong Jun’s mind went blank when he saw Xiao Shou buried under the rubble, and the only thing he could think of was to quickly get him out. However, he couldn’t; his big JJ prevented him from doing so. He was only able to go a few steps before his big JJ hit the wall behind Xiao Shou and prevented him from getting any closer. Gong Jun was very anxious. Very, very anxious. Thus, he went to the bathroom that didn’t have a wall anymore and doused himself in cold water. Finally, with his strong mental and physical will, Gong Jun withered. He didn’t have the time to bother about organizing his JJ, and just dragged it along behind him as he immediately ran to Xiao Shou’s side. But he was horrified to find that Xiao Shou had already stopped breathing.

On the day of Xiao Shou’s funeral, Gong Jun cut off his JJ; he knew that his big JJ belonged to Xiao Shou alone. Gong Jun carefully folded his JJ and put it together with Xiao Shou’s ashes. With the sun behind him as red as blood, Gong Jun turned around and left, leaving behind the legend of the big JJ. As the saying goes:

Softly, I left,

Unlike the heaviness at my waist.

I folded my JJ,

To bid the body of my lover farewell.

——————————————————————————————————————

Someone asked me, after the legend was forgotten by the majority of people, how Gong Jun lived afterwards.

So I’ve gathered some updated information:

Some time over ten years later, I happened to meet Gong Jun and chatted with him.

Ever since then, he’d remained single.

I asked, “What do you think about the conclusion of your legend?”

He answered, “Perhaps it was all fate.”

I asked again, “Then do you have any regrets?”

He answered, “What I wished for all the time, but was never able to achieve, was that I could him tightly when I made love with him.”


The author has something to say.

Yes; Gong Jun wasn’t ever able to hold Xiao Jun while they made love because his JJ was too long.

Why did I suddenly update this!

Because I was chatting with someone today!

She said that this story was very famous!

I’m a celebrity of the JJ circle! A very famous person!

When we talked about JJs, someone would always mention panda!

As such, I remembered this!

Hee hee hee hee…


Ledii-obasama asked for the comments to be tled too, nothing much tho. (I feel their name were funnier?)

N1: Jiang Qiyi is Preparing For Exams

I suddenly felt so pressured when I read to the end…

N2: Third Yunzi

Hhhhhhh Madam, are you trying to kill me with laughter then become my Yinyang Master hahahhahahahha

N3: Red Tea

Let me go calm myself…

N4: Red Tea

Uh… I don’t know what to say in my comment…

N5: Beautiful Master

Such a famous □□ and it wasn’t sealed away~ amazing!!!

N6: The Cries of Birds Complained For Years

My god! I finally saw the author!!!

N7: Assisting Protecting (Homophones with left right)

So… the legend in this story… is you, panda’s…

N8: Not Defeated This Life Meow

Celebrity of the JJ circle #2333

N9: Ayi, Did Today’s Update Surpass Seven Digits

The ending was actually just a tiny bit sad

N10: Vicious Monarch

Very terrifying, very funny, haha? Hahahaha

N1: Green Beauty

I can only laugh and cry

N12: Grapefruit TOMA

I can only hahahahahahahahaha

N13: Yun Qing

Believe me, this story allowed this little one to regain confidence

N14: Winter Solstice August

Strong

N15: A Bucket of Paste (Paste = Jianghu)

My god, it became famous after I read it! I only just noticed that this was written by you panda! (I am actually not too sure about this comment)

N16: Lan Na

So it was you that wrote it hhhhhhh

N17: Papaya Lemon

The end of it was actually a bit sad

N18: Because This Old Blockhead Didn’t Finish School Assignment and Was Beaten to Death

Died from laughing


Oneshots

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14 thoughts on “The Legend of the Big JJ

  1. Little Fluffy Ninja Sheep says:

    *blinks*
    *blinks again*
    I… uh… wha-…. heh…
    I feel like this one shot has broadened my horizons…
    You never what’s in the mind of a rotten reade- writer…

    2+

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