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Chapter 3.3
For the past two decades, Lineas had never felt that he was a homosexual or had similar tendencies. He assumed the majority of men here weren’t homosexual either. They simply surrendered to the reality.
Masturbation can’t solve the problem. They longed for real pounding, real flesh, the touch of hands, the feel of sweat dripping from the tip of their nose, the heavy panting in their ear… In one word, they longed for real people
There are no women here. This is a world of males. They could only go to people of the same sex. This is expediency. Otherwise, is there a better way? Don’t speak of morality to men – that is worthless in front of sex.
So, after initially rejecting the idea, Lineas considered it reasonable to find another man to solve the problem. Of course, thoughts are just thoughts, he hadn’t tried to do so. Although he grew up in the ghettos, it’s hard to find another pauper as picky as him – even though he didn’t agree with this judgement. He only wanted to find someone who looked neat and clean, even though that’s not usually a quality of men.
For example, he considered William a good choice. His eyes were comforting, but he had Olay by his side. Lineas disliked breaking up couples. He found Michel nice, too. He always kept himself tidy, and he smiled warm and sincerely. But he’s a serial killer who always stayed in his single cell (well, he could only stay there anyway) talking to his dead dog.
While he was picking and choosing and couldn’t make up his mind, those big, thick, hairy men kept looking for trouble with him. Of course he taught them a lesson. He had self-respect.
When he first saw Derer he was stunned. He thought that guy with the blonde, waterfall-like hair should be a girl, a well-educated lady so delicate that everyone wanted to protect her. That’s his favorite type – poor boys always dream about a rich girl.
When he was notified that he would share the room with Derer, he was very excited, and took everyone else’s jealous looks for granted. This was a chance gifted to him by the heavens, which he will not waste.
When he saw Derer without the long hair, he was a bit disappointed. But he was still very pretty. Instead of looking more manly, he now looked like a tomboy – very clean cut and neat, but it did not reduce his aura of the upper class.
But compared to that, Lineas was even more shocked by the manner in which he showed up – he was carried in by two cops. They threw him onto the bed and said to Lineas, “He will be your new roommate from now on. Please take care of him, because he’s a… …(Truman laughed sarcastically) poor, ill man.”
When they were at the door, Quincy thought about it and turned around to remind him, “If there is any emergency, you can ring the bell.” Then they left.
Lineas wasn’t sure what was meant by those last words. He looked at the little man sunk in the bed, and thought Derer was so slender that he almost got swallowed by the bed.
“Hello, I am Derer Bryan.” The person in bed suddenly spoke while staring at the ceiling, without sparing him a look. “Nice to meet you, but they gave me tranquilizers and relaxants, so I am unable to stand up at the moment to give you a handshake or a hug or kiss or anything like that. I am so sorry. Okay, I have finished my introduction.” he said.
“I am Lineas Orison. Nice to meet you… I am glad to share the room with you.” Lineas replied to his introduction with unusual politeness, despite feeling weird about it. He sat next to him, “How can they do this to you? Oh my God, tranquilizers and relaxants! Which one did they give you?”
“Both of them, in the amount they give to an elephant! This is so awful!” Derer frowned, “If my dad knew about it they would definitely suffer, but he’s dead now, heehee.” He grinned with mouth wide open.
Lineas sensed something weird from this boy. He coughed drily, “I heard that you killed him? Why did you kill him?” He said.
“Because he’s too annoying!” Derer’s face looked disgusted, “He always bans me from doing this and doing that! ‘Derer, wash your hands before the meal’ ‘Derer, don’t read those meaningless books’ ‘Derer, you need to dress neatly’ ‘Derer, you need to keep your hair long’ Damn, I am fed up with it!” He yelled angrily. His body was shaking left and right with the rhythm of his words. Apparently, the effect of the drugs had gradually worn off.
“I hate him touching my hair… Damn, it’s not my hair, it’s his hair! I’m not his doll! ‘Derer, you’re mine! You’re part of me! You grew from my sperm, so you need to listen to me and follow all my orders!’ Damn it, that stinky old man! Always touching that damn hair like a pervert, ‘You’re mine, Derer! You’re so beautiful!’ Bullsh*t!” He sat up, staring into Lineas’ eyes, waving his hands around as if he was dancing.
“So I got rid of him forever! But I actually didn’t want to finish him with a stab. How could I use such a dull method! I know human anatomy! A hundred, I planned to stab him a hundred times, and watch him die slowly!” His eyes were beaming and glittering. “Watch the blood run out, and the light of hope for survival gradually dim in his eyes, but damn, he died at the ninety-seventh stab!” He tried pulling his hair in anger, but he had to put his hands down when he realized it’s impossible, “That’s my shame! My physical strength was too weak, and my last stabs were off! Damn! I need to exercise more!” He looked at Lineas in jealousy, and the latter shivered.
“Did you say… They injected you with tranquilizers?” He stammered – but you look fine.
Derer jumped out of the bed, “A-ha, that only lasts for a short time. I have been using it since I was born!” He conspiratorially said, “Now I am not afraid of the drugs anymore. They’ve controlled most of my life! But I broke free of them. Of course… They can still limit my activity for a short period of time! Remember, only for a very short period of time!” He demonstrated it with his hands.
Lineas felt like crying, but he had no tears. He would be more than willing to switch with whoever thought he was lucky at the moment. Yes, he liked a beauty, but he didn’t want to stay with a psycho.
Derer inspected around the room energetically, as if they had given him stimulant instead. At the moment, he looked like he was in a mood for talking.
“See, my dad was always like this”. Derer stepped to his right and looked serious. “‘Derer, where are you going? I think you probably should ask for your father’s permission first.'” He quickly moved to the left and put on a pitiful look. “‘James and I are going to the bar, Dad, you told me I could go yesterday’.” He moved to the right again. “‘Now I say no! You need to be aware of whose son you are, and stop hanging out with James and learning how to pick up those dirty women. Your academics and future will be ruined by them! They’re a bunch of vampires!'” He moved back to the left, lowered his head and looked sad. “‘Yes, Father, I will tell James…'” He stepped back to the right and took a pace forward with a cold and authoritarian look. “‘Now go upstairs and shower, I will come up and check later…'” Derer lowered his voice. “‘…inch by inch, baby…’ Then he f*cking started to squeeze my butt – “
“You were molested by your father?!” Lineas said in disbelief, “You didn’t mention this to the court. If you did they may have been more lenient with you, since you’re a victim…” – he admitted that Derer was an excellent actor. Towards the end, he’d perfectly reproduced the greed and lust in his father’s eyes. A father looking at his son with that expression… It made Lineas feel sick.
“Come on, dumbass, when the government wants to do something they’ll always find reasons to do so.” Derer rolled his eyes, “Even if I could have avoided prison, so what? Why do I need to tell them such things. It’s private! If I had told them, the media would just exaggerate the story for exposure! ‘Victim of child sexual abuse’ ‘Society and the public are responsible for him’ ‘We can’t send him to prison, we used to neglect him, now we should offer that poor kid the warmth of family’!” He made a dramatic puking face – he couldn’t stop walking around while talking, as if he would die if he were still.
“Tell you what, nobody’s as dirty as them. It’s purely my personal matter, but they will act like an insider for their own benefit, throwing around all kinds of points of view to raise their viewership, and hold long assed discussions about it! Me being f*cked by another person soon will become a global headline, and everybody on the street will talk about it, and they all have a different opinion when sharing my private story. Some will think, ‘Oh, he was f*cked by his own dad, poor guy, but this is so f*cking gross!’ or ‘If I was his dad I would f*ck him too. Look at his face, he was born to be f*cked’, then they will hold huge pictures of me and protest in front of the courthouse, shouting, ‘You can’t send him to jail, because Derer was f*cked by his dad when he was a child!’ F U C K!”
He spoke resentfully, and sat next to Lineas, staring at him with green eyes, “How could I do such a stupid thing?!”
Lineas was speechless for a long while, nodding unconsciously, “I think… maybe you’re right. But you told me about it…”
“You’re different,” Derer patted his shoulder like a brother, “You’re my friend, so I am willing to share my secrets with you.”
Lineas felt a bit strangely flattered, although based on his understanding of mental illness, Derer probably thought of him as a best friend simply because he listened to his speech and expressed agreement.
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