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Chapter 4: New Demon, Meow, You’re Unbearable!


It was late at night. Or, at least for humans it was really late at night since most humans were already asleep by this time. However, for the cat race, this was exactly when we were most active and HAPPY!

“Boss, is she your new whore?” The tabby cat and I looked down from on top of a rubbish bin. By the bottom of it were a dozen or more different colored cats who were all lined up in an extremely well-disciplined row on the ground. These words had been spoken by the one in very middle: a fat and plump, heterochromia eyed, white cat.  

“Whore? What is that?” I puzzledly asked.

“You haven’t even heard of a whore…” Right when the white cat was about to drawl out a few sarcastic words, the tabby cat promptly coughed, and the white cat immediately shuts up.

“Alright White Bally, I don’t need you mouthing off about my affairs!” The tabby cat spoke in an imposing manner I’d never seen before.

“Pft——ha ha ha… he’s actually called White Bally!” I immediately fell on my back laughing uncontrollably and rolling about on the lid of the rubbish bin.

“Ah ah! Boss, didn’t I tell you before! Don’t ever mention that name! Just calling me White Tiger in front of strangers is fine!” The white cat burst into tears as he spoke, wishing he could kill all the cats present to silence them.

“White Tiger? What relation do you have with that violent tempered bástãrd?” I got up again curiously. I’d seen this White Tiger bástãrd several times, but he’d always assumed a human form and his temper was somewhat irritable. The previous times he’d come over to visit Buzhi Mountain, he’d looked for my master to gamble. The only thing was, I’d never seen him win before.

“Humph! Newcomer! I don’t know what kind of method you used to deceive our Boss, but I, as chief of the Stray Cat Gang’s Four Emperors, absolutely won’t let Boss become corrupted due to some insignificant female cat!” This long-in-fur-only-and-short-everywhere-else, eyes-are-only-a-bit-special fat cat unexpectedly acted as if he were against an enemy. All his fur even stood on end as he viciously glared at me.

If I were an ordinary cat I would’ve been frozen with fear by this fat cat’s attitude, but no matter what, I’m still a demon cat with skills acquired through the millennia! I really hadn’t the slightest interest in his actions, besides viewing them as a joke, nor even in fighting. Not only that, but I also didn’t understand the meaning of his words. Deceive? Had I? I didn’t even know how to do the Bewitching whatever spell! On top of that, my selling moe was worse than this tabby cat’s! However, for there to be a cat who’d unexpectedly go this far for the tabby cat, it really made me feel some admiration. This was exactly that legendary “Loyalty”!

“Enough! White Tiger! Do you still have I, this Boss, in your eyes?!” The tabby cat’s expression sunk and immediately an invisible domineering air arose, intimidating all the cats into stillness. White Tiger… no, White Bally, immediately flattened his fur.

“Boss… it’s normal for men of character to have three wives and four concubines. You’re our Yucheng’s most prestigious cat, so even if you have many more female cats by your side, no cat would dare to say anything. However, right now we and the Hungry Dogs Gang are in the middle of a fierce shootout, you mustn’t delay imperative matters due to a female’s charm!” said an old, almost-a-skeleton, kind of old, black cat emotionally.

“Sheriff…” The tabby cat first respectfully turned and bowed his head towards this old black cat. It seemed like in this clowder of cats, this old black cat was quite prestigious.

“Everyone listen to me finish speaking.” The tabby cat spoke up within the the group and their moods roused. If the tabby cat couldn’t justify himself, then he’d possibly incite the anger of the masses. Of course, I didn’t care. In the worst case I’d just grab the tabby cat. After all, it did teach me how to survive in the human world, and I am a good cat that knows how to return favors!

“I am for catkind, everyone knows this. Whether or not I am the kind of cat that would delay important matters because of a female’s charms is already clear in everyone’s hearts! Budong is a newly arrived stray cat to our Yucheng. I had a dream when I was very young, I dreamed of the day when all the homeless cats in Yucheng would able to find a place they belonged and no longer had to starve. I dreamed of the day, that we cats could peacefully get along with the dogs, even if it’s the evil dogs from the Hungry Dogs Gang. I dreamed of the day I could sit down together with Hungry Dogs Gang’s Boss peacefully to watch our offspring frolic together without the slightest grudge, not having to worry about slaughtering each other due to a lack of food. So, even until now, I have always strived for this dream!”

“Budong is a new arrived stray cat to our Yucheng. It doesn’t even know how to sell moe, our cat race’s innate skill! (Budong protested: Who doesn’t know how to sell moe!) If we want to achieve this dream of mine, the first thing we need to do is to unite every comrade of the cat race! Even those who couldn’t do the same things that other cats can would still all have fish to eat. We must not raise internal strife! Because if we are like that, not only will my dream not be realized, but everyone will also be taken advantage of by the Hungry Dogs Clan! Although in my dream the Hungry Dogs Clan will sooner or later become our friends one day, at present they are still our dreadful enemy! Towards the enemy we must be like the ice and snow of the winter, uncompassionate; towards comrades we must be like the sunshine of the spring, compassionate! So we must welcome Budong’s arrival, because its arrival brings a new strength to our battle!”

She couldn’t help but to say that the tabby cat was as he had said before: Yucheng’s most experienced, most knowledgeable cat! He was a cat that couldn’t be found five hundred years ago, and not even five hundred years from now; a cat that could stand on par with me. He really had great conviction behind his reasoning!

His eloquence was the best I’d seen in a cat. Not only were the dozen or so cats listening by the bottom of the rubbish bin intoxicated by his words, even I had become entranced in thought while listening. In the end, in the wake of his speech, the mood became more and more excited. When he said the final line, all the cats become so elated that they began to shout aloud, their voices never ending.

“Wah! Tabby cat, your eloquence is really great! Even I was pulled in!” I sincerely praised.

“Don’t call me tabby cat, I have a name!” said the tabby cat, somewhat annoyed.

“Then what’s your name?” I cocked my head and asked.

“Remember it, my name is that of the cat who will be the greatest in history! I am… Elvis Presley!” Tabby cat, no, it’s Elvis Presley pridefully said.

“E… lv… lvis… Polesy?” I thought this name was really weird and too hard to pronounce aloud. It’s definitely not as good as my name, Budong!

“Wrong! It’s Elvis Presley!” Tabby cat’s shouted as if hysterical as his fur stood on end. It seemed like he had a very profound attachment to this name!

“Why are you so attached to this name?” I asked, puzzled.

“What do you know! The meaning behind this name!” Tabby cat recovered his previous air of arrogance and dominance and unhurriedly spoke, “This name is very famous among the human race! It represents the glory of our cat race among the human race! The owner of this name is known as Cat King by the human race![1] Understand now? He was capable enough to make the arrogant human race have no choice but to acknowledge him as King of the Cats!” Tabby cat pridefully declared. Not only it, when he spoke up to this point, all the rest of the dozen or so cats were also stirred up.

“Then you’re saying… you are the Cat King?” I asked. At the same time, a ticklish kind of feeling rose up inside… Not good, this was a sign of when I wanted to bully someone!

“No… I am not… at least, right now I am not.” Tabby cat dipped his head in shame. (Endure! Must endure!)

“However, in the future I will become worthy of this name Cat King!” declared the tabby cat suddenly, once again full of emotion.

“Then… no matter how you say it, right now you can’t match up to it, right?” I nastily laughed. (sh*t! Can’t hold it in anymore!)

“Uh… yes.” Tabby cat was somewhat unconfident.

“Then… starting from now, don’t use this name! Don’t tarnish the name of Cat King!” I decisively declared.

“Then… then if I’m not called this name, what name should I call myself, then?” An uneasy premonition surfaced in tabby cat’s heart.

“That still needs to be asked? Of course it’s Tabby!” I said without the slightest hesitation.

“Out of question! I won’t accept that undistinguished name!” Tabby cat… no, Tabby was suddenly anxious.

Only, Tabby absolutely didn’t know that on Buzhi Mountain, every person who went against me… was doomed….

“Since it’s like this… then just go by Lil’ Tabby or Little Tab! Of these names which one do you like? Don’t stand on ceremony, go ahead and pick!” I laughed, making Tabby take a few steps back. Only afterwards did I learn that my current expression was called a deceitful smile…

“No… I won’t accept any of those!” obstinately declared Tabby as he pulled his head back.

“Is that so? Tabby…” I abruptly began to slowly say aloud its name.

“Ai…” cried Tabby as he shuddered. But it quickly came back to his senses.

“What did you do to me?!” shouted Tabby.

“I just read aloud your real name, oh!” I laughed, real names, this sort of thing was very serious. Just like a religious name, if an evil person discovered your real name, they could use it to calculate your Sheng Chen Ba Zi[2], and then use all kinds of malicious curse methods to deal with you! So, no matter if it was an immortal, a monster, a devil, or an evil spirit, regarding real names, they all wouldn’t easily say it aloud unless they, themselves, were proficient in such matters.

“From now on, you are called Tabby… Do you all have any complaints?” Facing my current frightful expression, the dozen or so cats below promptly shook their heads, not daring to give the slightest sign of disobedience.

“Can’t I change it…” sullenly begged Tabby, as he seemed to realize his own fate.

“Of course… Lil’ Tabby and Little Tab, which one do you pick?” I retorted.

“Wu wu wu… I’ll just stick with Tabby…”


Footnotes:

[1]Uh, so apparently the Chinese call Elvis 猫王 which is Cat King, because he’s the Hillbilly Cat King

[2]One’s birth data for astrological purposes, combined from year, month, day, hour, heavenly trunk and earthly branch


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