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Chapter 2: What You Need to Do to Survive in the Human World?


My name is Budong[1]. I am a cat, a demon cat, with skills acquired throughout the millennia.

I have a master possessing great strength, who adores money as much as he does his own life. His most cherished belonging was the Five Spirit Mirror that can grant a single wish every five centuries.

One day, albeit only due to curiosity, I accidentally lost the Five Spirit Mirror after taking it out to play…

As a result, Master said some meaningful and heartfelt words to me: Scram! If you can’t find the Five Spirit Mirror, then don’t come back to see me!!

That, because, so as a result, I set off…

…… 

When I was thrown down below the Sea of Clouds by Master, I could only feel the sky and the earth spinning. I had no idea where I was.

My master and I live on Buzhi Mountain, a place isolated from the rest of the world along with Ling Mountain, Fangcun Mountain and some of the other more special mountains. They are all in a space above the human realm, a realm that is on the same level as that of Gods. The Sea of Clouds is outside of the boundaries of Buzhi Mountain. If you fly west from here for nine days and nine nights, you can see the Tathagata Buddha; and if you fly east for three days and three nights, you can see the Jade Emperor.

And yet Master threw me down below the Sea of Clouds… Besides feeling a bit scared, I was also somewhat excited and curious about what might be inside.

According to Master, under the Cloud Sea is a place called the Human Realm. As the root of the Three Realms it is needed to maintain balance by both the God Realm above it and the Ghost Realm below. After all, whether Immortal or Phantom, a lot of them were originally human.

Master had once gone on a trip to the human realm ten years ago, but he returned only a short month after. He told me that humans now were too scary since they not only were disrespectful toward Gods and Buddhas, they even dared to openly tear down and smash the Daoist Temples. Even though he felt that the Immortals of the God Realm were all slow in their reactions, disliked taking care of matters, and don’t always attend their proper duties; when all was said and done, they had still blessed these humans for several millenniums. Smashing those Immortals statues despite this was still a little too ungrateful.

With regards to these matters, I don’t really understand them, so whatever! In any case, on Buzhi Mountain I have food to eat, water to drink and things to play with. Besides being forced to cultivate from time to time, life was very comfortable!

Oh, that’s right! I almost forgot. My name is Budong. I am a cat, a demon cat with skills acquired throughout the millennia.

I am called Budong because of my Master. He said I was too mischievous, so it would be great if I could be more obedient. As a result, he named me Budong (“Motionless”).

I don’t know what my Master’s name is, but I know he is very strong and loves money as much as his own life. Come to mention it, this term of loving money as much as their own life is something I saw in a book. I don’t quite understand what it means, but I feel that it is quite fitting to be used to refer to Master because he likes to collect treasures that are priceless in other people’s eyes.

And this time, the reason why I was driven away from the mountain was because of one of his most valued treasures, the legendary Five Spirit Mirror that can grant a wish every five hundred years… and was lost by me!

I remembered that because I was bored while Master was in seclusion, I ran into the forbidden area——which is also the place where Master collects all sorts of precious treasures. I originally wanted to borrow the Dragon Pearl Master recently got to play with. I didn’t expect that after exerting tremendous strength to get rid of the layers and layers of prohibition spells set down by Master, I’d only see a rusted and broken mirror inlaid with five pearls of different colors: black, white, green, red, and yellow.

I took out the mirror to play, but I didn’t expect it to suddenly fly away. While it was flying, I chased after it and kept chasing until I got to the Sea of Clouds. After the mirror suddenly flew down, below the Sea of Clouds, I didn’t dare to chase after it anymore. I could only return to Master with my tail between my legs and admit my mistake…

The end result was that Master, flying into rage, threw me down below the Sea of Clouds as well. After that, I arrived here—a place where humans are everywhere…

“Meow~~” A tabby cat ran to my side. Originally, I didn’t want to put up with it, since it’s so rare to have such nice sunlight in autumn that it’d be a waste to not take a good afternoon nap!

“Meow, meow meow! Meow meow meow! (Hey, who are you? Are you a newcomer?)” The tabby cat sat by my side.

“Meow meow meow? (Who are you?)” I lifted my head and glanced at it, before continuing to lay there lazily.“Meow meow! Meow meow meow meow meow… (You asked who I am! Since you sincerely and earnestly asked, then I will tell you mercifully…)” This long-winded tabby cat began to chatter on and on. Really! It’s obviously not spring yet, why is this guy calling out like a cat in heat?!

“Meow! Meow meow!! (Shut up! You’re too noisy!)” I lifted my head and impatiently shouted. I hate those who disturb my afternoon naps the most! Even my Master would never yell at me to wake up when I take my afternoon naps, a principle he learned after previously obtaining three pawprints on his face.

Ok. This guy is, after all, only a common cat. Being frightened like this by me, it immediately did not dare to say another word.

I didn’t know how long it had been, but my body began to feel cool. By now, the sunshine had already disappeared.

When I opened my eyes, it was already an empty night filled with many stars.

“Meow meow~~ (I slept so well~)” I lazily stretched, and, while shaking my head, got onto the terrace, subconsciously jumping forward once… and fell into a large pile of clothes!

On no! I slept too much. At noon, I fell asleep on top of a human’s housetop and even thought that I was still on Buzhi Mountain sleeping on a branch!

“Iya! Where’d this kitten come from?!” A woman’s cry of fear thoroughly woke me from my recent muddle-headedness, and I promptly crawled out of the pile of dirty clothes and climbed over the perimeter wall to escape.

As I walked on the road, I could see that there were humans everywhere! The human night was quite wonderful. It’s obvious that the sky is already very dark, yet there is light everywhere. It’s shining as if it was daytime, it seems humans are animals that are very afraid of the dark!

“Meow~~” I smelled a fragrance of some kind, so nice! I don’t think I have ever smelled something so good on Buzhi Mountain!

I lifted up my head, and see what a very fat male human according to human standards who was in fully engaged in roasting fish… roasting fish!!

I immediately got excited. Roasted fish! This is also something I did frequently at Buzhi Mountain, except the fish I roasted weren’t completely black on one side, while raw on the other, they were straightforwardly completely roasted into coal.

Such a delicious smelling roasted fish… my stomach failed to live up to my expectations and made a gu gu sound.

“Meow meow~~” I walked by the fat person’s foot, putting on my most innocent and pure expression to look at him, while using the most coy voice I have to call out. I swear that this works on everyone except for Master who has already seen me use it for several hundred years, the Water Qilin behind the mountain, and the small wild hog at the foot of the mountain that didn’t want to be eaten by me and die.

However, I have really underestimated humans!

“Shoo! Where’d this wild cat come from?! Go away!!” Without the slightest bit of mercy, that repulsive male human unexpectedly used one foot to kick me, the most adorable, most pitiful, and most terrifying millennium year-old demon cat on Buzhi Mountain flying?!

How could this be?!

“Meow! Meow! Meow! (Vile! Vile! You vile human!!)” I emitted a fatal roar against that wretched human. I originally believed that that guy would immediately kneel in front of me and apologize, while give me the biggest roasted fish to win my favor…

However, who would have known that that guy wouldn’t even give me a glance!

Vile! Such a hateful human!!

“Meow meow meow… (Ha ha ha…)” A burst of jeering sound appeared behind me, it was unexpectedly the tabby cat that had disturbed my afternoon nap.

“Meow meow meow!! ( Someone like you, a foolish cat that’s already sending out calls before spring is even here, dares to laugh at me?!” I indignantly shouted at the the tabby cat, lashing out.

“Meow meow meow!! (Who’s the foolish cat that’s already sending out calls before spring is even here!!)” The tabby cat was also angered.

“Meow… meow meow… (Forget it… a big cat wouldn’t bother with a kitten…)” In the blink of an eye, the tabby cat waved a claw and made an expression that it couldn’t be bothered.

“Meow meow? (What are you looking for this cat for?)” Seeing that it unexpectedly didn’t want to quarrel with me, I also lost the mood. I hate these kinds of guys the most. Just like the water qilin behind Buzhi Mountain, no matter how much I provoked it, it would just gently laugh as it looked at me. I hate it!

“Meow meow meow? (You wanted to eat roasted fish just now, didn’t you?)” The repulsive tabby cat broke down into laughter as it spoke.

“Meow meow?! (What does that have to do with you?!)” I said unhappily.

“Meow meow, meow meow meow? (I was right, you’re new, right?)” The tabby cat said with a hee hee laugh.

“Meow! Meow meow! (Humph! So what?!)” I turned my head away, bluntly not looking at it anymore.

“Meow… meow meow meow meow meow… (Then… do you know what you need to do to survive in the human world?)” The tabby cat asked in return.

“Meow? Meow meow? (Hm? What you need to do to survive in the human world?)” I was puzzled, my eyes filled with question marks.


Footnotes:

[1]Name is Motionless, everything the Master names seem to have Bu (for negative) in front…


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7 thoughts on “[DLICHW] Chapter 2: What You Need to Do to Survive in the Human World?

  1. Jaded says:

    What does a cat need to survive in the human world…?
    Hm…I say shamelessness!! And this demonic cat is definitely shameless, so I see a bright future for it XD

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